tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-82449992787669825162024-03-24T00:29:36.704-07:00The Stories I HoldJenna Knapphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02893904041220232946noreply@blogger.comBlogger28125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8244999278766982516.post-29719380746008463762017-06-15T12:27:00.001-07:002017-06-15T16:51:57.397-07:00Moises's Eyes<div class="MsoNormal">
“How are you?” “How’s El Salvador?” <o:p></o:p></div>
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These are the seemingly straightforward questions that I was
posed by the dear friends, family, and mentors I was lucky enough to reconnect
with over the past two weeks in the US. Each of my responses felt inadequate at
best, insincere at worst. I’d think quickly, “If I search for some semblance of
the truth, I’ll still hardly scratch the surface, and I’ll again be the
cynical, Debbie Downer of the day,” …. “If I whitewash the truth with dull generalizations,
I’m doing a disservice to the lives I’ve encountered, many of whose tragic destinies
are wrapped up in ages of deadly dosages of silence and small talk.” At times,
I would try to plunge into the complexity, and in some cases, the horror, of
these past few months, and I would find myself sounding like an emotionless
recording. Or I’d use humor to bridge the gap between intractable darkness and
something, anything, more relatable. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Moises’s eyes. <o:p></o:p></i></div>
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They are the most accurate image I can come up with to
explain “How are you?” “How is El Salvador?” If only I could will everyone who
asked to be transported to the emergency waiting room and to gaze down into
Moises’s eyes, there wouldn’t be a need to say much more. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Five days before visiting the US, my dearest friend here
received news that landed us in the public hospital emergency waiting room for
several days, while he waited for a hospital bed to open up. As we waited, and
waited, and waited, people kept piling in, waiting for bed space. Strangers
quickly became neighbors and sympathizers with one another’s pain, in a place
filled with crisis and dysfunction. Mothers exchanged updates on their
children’s progress as well as that of most patients within earshot, as they commiserated
and strategized about how to get the best care possible in a hospital operating
for the most part without any medicine. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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After waiting for 9 hours or so, my dazed state was
disrupted by a flurry of activity when a patient was rolled in by seven Green
Cross volunteers and 5 police officers. He couldn’t have been more than 15
years old, and his slender body wriggled in pain as he winced and whimpered. He
was covered in blood, which was flowing from his left leg just above his ankle
where his bone was protruding out of his skin. The volunteers tied his feet
together with a t-shirt as they talked amongst themselves. No one spoke to the
boy; he might as well have been invisible. After nearly half an hour, one of
the police officers walked over to him and told him to “grow a pair and suck it
up,” as another, just out of his earshot, boastfully relayed to his peers that
they’d managed to shoot and kill the boy’s friend, whose body now lay lifeless
in a nearby hospital.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Though there is a waiting room for cases of “maximum urgency,”
the boy was not wheeled off to this room, nor given pain medication. Alas, he
was accompanied by police officers, so he was fair game for scorn and
presumption of all sorts. He was to be seen through the eyes of fear and blame,
by those conditioned by the daily news to hate the scapegoats, to see the small
picture, and to stifle curiosity, structural analysis, and compassion. <o:p></o:p></div>
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As last, the Green Cross volunteers left and the police
officers disappeared for long enough for me to walk over to this whimpering
child whose solitude in the midst of his unimaginable pain was breaking me
apart. I stroked his forehead and wiped his tears as he winced up at me and
told me the story that is at once unique to his own lived experience, as well
as the carbon copy of the stories shared by so many youth across this country
who are criminalized and killed in droves day in and day out.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I was sitting with
my friend, and the cops showed up so we ran, because every time they see us,
they beat us. As I ran they open fired on us and I lost track of my friend. I
jumped from a 10-foot wall to escape the bullets and heard my bone crack, but I
kept running. When I couldn’t take the pain, I collapsed, and the cops caught
up to me. They beat me like a dirty rag, though my bone was sticking out of my
leg. They wanted to kill me, but people started coming out of their houses and
there would have been too many witnesses.” I asked if he knew how his friend
was, wondering if he knew he’d never see him again, and he said he didn’t know
where he was. I swallowed hard, deciding to spare him the pain of this news for
the meantime, hating the fact that for this squirming, wincing child, the worst
was yet to come.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“What’s your name?” I asked him. “Moises,” he answered, as
he looked up at me and squinted one searching, glossy, brown eye open. In a
strained voice he said, “Thank you.” I’m not sure what he was thanking me for.
Perhaps for being the only person in this awful trajectory to recognize his
fear and pain. Whatever it was, it felt cripplingly inadequate. As he moaned in
pain I told him to breathe deeply, and as I did so, I was overwhelmed by the
ludicrous nature of this request, thinking, “Your bone is sticking out of your
ankle, you are in a hospital without medicine, you’re seen as dispensable, the
cops nearly killed you, they killed your friend and you don’t know it yet, and
I am asking you to breathe deeply.” I wanted to be a surgeon and to be able to
heal him, though I knew the roots of his pain must reach much deeper than his
ankle. I asked what he was feeling, and he groaned out between whimpers that he
would never walk again. That he wouldn’t be able to go back to 7<sup>th</sup>
grade. That he would have to be locked up for 7 days because the cops had found
weed in his pocket (this explained the police’s lingering presence).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I looked again into his pained, squinted eyes
with tears flowing down onto his stained hospital sheet, and I thought of each
boy I work with in prison and of each of their scars. How many times had this been
each of them? How much pain could they keep enduring?<o:p></o:p></div>
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His persistent groans brought me back to the present and I
did my best to reassure him, though I knew I was lying through my teeth. “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Tranquilo mi amor, respire.</i> They’ll give
you anesthesia and they’ll fix your leg. You won’t feel anything during the
surgery and you’ll have to use crutches for several months, but then you’ll
walk again. You can keep studying, your friends will help you with your books.”
Wishful thinking at best, given the circumstances. A more truthful prediction
would have been something like, “This hospital has no medicine, your leg won’t
heal properly. The cops will be hell bent on killing you, since you got away.
If you report the abuse to authorities, they’ll kill you even faster...”<o:p></o:p></div>
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I continued, “Do your parents know you’re here?” “Do you
have siblings?” No. It’s just me. They don’t know… and the look on his face
told me there was much more to this story. Suddenly, a woman tapped my shoulder
and said, “Your patient!” and I turned around to find that my friend had
fainted while they injected him. I followed, numb and shaken, as they wheeled
him into urgent care, talking about heart arrhythmias and checking his chart
only after they had injected him. “You can’t go into urgent care,” I was told
by a doctor who looked to be in high school.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Standing in the hallway, overwhelmed with impotence and
uncertainty, I called a dear friend and mentor. “Remember that the doctors work
30 hour shifts and have 300 patients each,” he reminded me, “The police are
tired too, and they’re scared.” I hung up the phone, reminded of the complexities
of structural violence but no less discouraged. Feeling light-headed with
anxiety and uncertainty, I walked back to be with Moises. As I rubbed his forehead
and mumbled reassuring lies, a man approached me and asked to talk with Moises.
He told me he was his father. <o:p></o:p></div>
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As soon as Moises saw him, his demeanor changed entirely.
His body stiffened, his whimpering stopped, and in a sarcastic tone he uttered,
“Oh, I’m fine, they’ll just have to chop off my leg.” I stepped away to give
his father space, and shortly thereafter his mother appeared, head covered by a
white laced cloth, with a giant bible in tote. I watched from a distance as she
leaned over him with a scolding posture. She didn’t touch him, she just talked
and talked, and he silently stared into the curtain that divided him from the
50 or so other patients in the waiting area. I imagined her in a street-corner
church with blaring speakers and 7 churchgoers, day in and day out, praying to
a God in the clouds to come down and fix her only child, while he wandered the
streets. In their company, his loneliness loomed larger. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I approached him once more, and a nurse asked me
disapprovingly, “Which patient are you here with?” As I backed away, the police
officers reappeared. My visit with Moises was over. Within the hour, he was
wheeled off to surgery, and as he left the waiting area, he spotted a
motionless boy in another stretcher who had fallen from a pick-up truck. He
strained his torso to see the boy’s face, undoubtedly searching for his friend,
not knowing that his friend lay dead for the crime of being young, impoverished,
and guilty of anything and everything until proven innocent. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Days later I found myself in the US, surrounded by the
company of dear friends, wondering how these parallel realities can exist
simultaneously. I was reminded of the simple advice Fr. Gustavo Gutierrez gave
me years ago, when I was struggling to comprehend the loss of a young child in
Uganda. “You have to stay close,” he’d told me. Close to the margins, close to
the wisdom of those who have no choice but to learn to survive within (and in
spite of) the systems that serve to oppress them. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I soaked up the time with loved ones and came back to
stay close. At the airport, I was greeted by the rainy season, by my neighbors,
and by my sweet godson Santiago, who waved at me above the crowd of people
eagerly waiting at the arrivals gate. One wet pick-up ride later, we were home.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Jenna Knapphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02893904041220232946noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8244999278766982516.post-70881998800317084992016-12-26T14:13:00.000-08:002016-12-30T11:04:42.952-08:00¿Feliz Navidad?<br />
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I have been back in El Salvador for 5 months, and stories
and experiences keep piling up that I want to share in some way. I straddle the
line between aching to write and to share (especially with the corners of the
world so far removed from the everyday realities of violence and resilience),
and feeling the protective urge to hold stories deep within me so as not to expose
the lives of those who trust me with their own. Both responses seem
irresponsible. Becoming a silent reservoir of stories that I believe should
come to light seems to be a bow to the status quo. At the same time, in sharing
the lived realities of those I love with a virtual public audience, I run the
risk of turning their lives and their experiences of violence into a spectacle,
and I wonder to what end this will serve them/me/those who read.<o:p></o:p></div>
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This being the case I will straddle that line and will
continue to write, trying to partake in the delicate dance of stating what
needs to be stated while still respecting the privacy and dignity of those
whose lives are intertwined here with my own. Since moving back in August,
there have been many, many days where I have woken up filled with awe and rage
at the expressions of violence and inequality that I witness here. I tell
myself I must begin to write. I plan out what I’ll write in my head. I sit down
at the computer. And yet, I don’t write. I get swept up in the next crisis and
the outrage of the previous crisis fades and sinks into a new “normal” as
stories of ever greater violence and brutality become par for the course. I
become more and more outraged by the way the world keeps on turning for some,
oblivious to the depths of pain and fear others are forced to experience daily,
and to their role in perpetuating such dualistic realities. I remember that I
inhabit both worlds, if they can be simplistically condensed into two, and that
as such I must not only witness and hold, I must write and share. I hope that
my writing might in some small way serve as an invitation to encounter the
humans bearing the brunt of the consequences of the sweeping issues like the “drug
war,” the “gang crisis,” the “immigration problem” etc.; issues that are thrown
around as mere topics of discussion or debate in some circles, while they
continue to have paralyzing and terrifying daily implications in others.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Last week leading up to Christmas, soldiers (who have
long since policed communities here) and anti-gang policing units had a hey-day
in our community. For all intents and purposes, in marginalized Salvadoran
communities, it is a crime to be a young male. Soldiers and police prowl
through communities stopping, searching, and often beating and killing young
people with complete impunity. Last Thursday as I sat in my neighbor’s house,
my 5-year old god-daughter ran in and said, “The soldiers are here! If they ask
me where I live I’m going to say that I live in this house and that you’re my
mom! Do you think they’ll take me away?” I assured her that they wouldn’t take
her away, and I stepped outside into the alleyway in front of our homes to see
who they had stopped this time. Two houses down, 4 masked soldiers had five of
my neighbors (aged 14 to 17) shirtless and spread eagle. When I walked down to
witness the scene, with the hopes that spectators might reduce the chance of abuse and arbitrary arrests, I heard one of the soldiers calling the boys “gay assholes,”
in an attempt to provoke them. I asked him to please treat the boys with
respect, and I identified myself as their youth group leader, and I was told to
get away because I had no business being there.<br />
<br />
Thankfully, our community has a
strong sense of unity, and soon there were about 20 of us witnessing this
scene. The soldiers had the boys standing and coughing shirtless in the cold
for over an hour as they went through every message and song in their phones,
trying to find anything gang-related. They accused the boys of being spies for
the gangs because some of their messages alerted their friends that the police
were coming. One boy’s mother piped up and told one of the officers that her
son had been beaten 3 times this month by soldiers who had stolen his necklace
and cell phone, and that he warned his friends about their presence to avoid
getting beaten for nothing. The soldiers denied these claims and insisted that these
boys were dangerous because they were “in a group” when they should be in their
houses, and because 2 of the boys had run from them (no doubt, to avoid being beaten and humiliated). He proceeded to add that he was doing us a favor by not arresting
all 5 of them on the spot, and that he would have shot the 2 who ran had there
not been so many children around. The boys were told that next time they were found in the street in a
group, they would all be taken to jail. The same outspoken mother pointed out that 50 meters down the alleyway several men were making a drunken ruckus in the street, but no one stopped them, to which the soldiers replied "they're just drinking and they're not bothering anybody, but these boys are in a group in the dark." Finally the boys were released and as I debriefed with them back in their homes, they strategized about where they would do the secret santa exchange we had planned for the following evening, without risking being arrested for being in a group.<o:p></o:p></div>
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As I watched these boys who I know and love, who I've watched grow up over the past 9 years, stand spread
eagle, coughing and enduring this routine act of public humiliation, I was
filled with anger and with an overwhelming sense of impotence. I thought of the
100 million dollars in military aid that the US sent this year to the Guatemala,
El Salvador, and Honduras, and how policy makers would never have to watch
their children be criminalized daily for their mere existence. They wouldn’t
have to fear searching high and low for their son’s remains, after routine
military raids. They wouldn’t have to spend sleepless nights with their 14-year
old boys suffering from panic attacks, too scared to go outside. They wouldn’t
have to hear their 8-year-old sons say what my neighbor recently told his mom, “I
don’t want to grow up and be a youth, because youth get killed.” <o:p></o:p></div>
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The following night I spent the night at a friend’s place,
and when I called home I was told that the soldiers had stopped another group
of boys and that they’d taken one away in handcuffs. When I came home the next day, I heard the full story. This time several boys were sitting on
my front stoop watching youtube videos on their phones when the soldiers came
through and grabbed them and took them to the end of a dark alleyway. The
soldiers beat them with their flashlights and their rifles and when a crowd
emerged they finally let all of them go except for one. They handcuffed him and
walked him out of the community in a public spectacle of shame, before taking
his shoes off and burning them (claiming they were gang related), and letting
him go. My neighbors later went to bring him new shoes, but the soldiers
stopped them on their way, claimed they were gang sympathizers, and stole the
shoes. When my 5-year-old god-daughter relayed the story to me she told me with
a resigned look of sadness and conviction, “When I’m big, the soldiers will
burn my sandals.” As I looked back at her, I thought of the safety and security
that enshrouded my own childhood, and longed for a world where state sponsored violence and constant insecurity would not define the way she tried
to make sense of the world.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Gangs are made out to be the the horrific cause of all violence
here, and the violence they inflict is in fact, horrific. However, the state apparatus
in charge of “serving and protecting” civilians, is seemingly doing all in its
power to create an environment of constant insecurity, humiliation, fear, and
shame, such that young people search for a way to have some sense of power and
protection when they will be treated as guilty no matter what. As one of the
leaders of the community youth group, I see the way in which the threat of
police violence in our community aggravates cycles of violence in families and
pushes young people to their limits. They are trapped and they know it. If they
are in a group, they’re assumed to be in a gang. If they are found alone, they
are assumed to be spies for the gang. If they leave their own community, they
risk state-sponsored brutality and that of the rival gang, even if they are not
the least bit gang-involved. They talk about wanting to go to the US, even if
they die along the way, because there is no life for them here. Years ago, I
used to urge them to stay. Today, it seems their lives are in jeopardy either
way. <o:p></o:p></div>
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In the midst of this madness, 5 youth leaders from the
community and myself have revived the community youth group to try to create a
space for young people to feel validated and to be given the freedom to exist
in a space without fear. We meet once a week with thirty young people from our
community to learn from one another about topics like self-esteem, police
violence, identity, creativity, trauma and healing, etc. We do guided
meditations, play games, and learn together how to try to build a community of
safety and support, even within a context that makes this nearly impossible
once they leave the community center doors. Every Sunday we laugh and cry
together and learn a bit more about ourselves and the world we inhabit. We have
no external funding, and we make miracles with what we do have. We’re a tiny
oasis in the midst of the madness and I’m convinced that if we don’t lose
momentum amidst all of the challenges we face here, the same young people in
the group who are still too shy to say their names, will be those leading the group
in a few years, assuring that the next generation has a space to feel safe, to
feel welcome, to discover themselves and their place in this world in spite of
the noise and the violence. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-G54YRahFmEQ/WGGVCIQEAgI/AAAAAAAABvc/QC-HNHSsf2w7QwaFcS-aaCpNlA52e7PnwCLcB/s1600/IMG_2283.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-G54YRahFmEQ/WGGVCIQEAgI/AAAAAAAABvc/QC-HNHSsf2w7QwaFcS-aaCpNlA52e7PnwCLcB/s320/IMG_2283.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Youth group members on their way to the National Theater.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-tgSgaTJbZp4/WGGZ_7zlGyI/AAAAAAAABv8/Pkj0Pw8xU0wl5GRMg_KdGFCP2eg6ykJ5wCLcB/s1600/IMG_1964.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-tgSgaTJbZp4/WGGZ_7zlGyI/AAAAAAAABv8/Pkj0Pw8xU0wl5GRMg_KdGFCP2eg6ykJ5wCLcB/s320/IMG_1964.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Youth group members dancing at a community celebration they organized for the Day of the Child</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-O7J4RE8hmn0/WGGVPiIZpwI/AAAAAAAABvg/ov5VjdJW-OAMO63ul8-E6m8s3YB4L-UawCLcB/s1600/IMG_2678.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-O7J4RE8hmn0/WGGVPiIZpwI/AAAAAAAABvg/ov5VjdJW-OAMO63ul8-E6m8s3YB4L-UawCLcB/s320/IMG_2678.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Youth group members in the closing session of a Sunday meeting.</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-PEGZJlVUK-8/WGGVQ9ZmdkI/AAAAAAAABvk/RLO0WZ2mNnYs5eYG2nwiq-NVfZXORXGFwCLcB/s1600/2016-11-13-PHOTO-00000406.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="192" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-PEGZJlVUK-8/WGGVQ9ZmdkI/AAAAAAAABvk/RLO0WZ2mNnYs5eYG2nwiq-NVfZXORXGFwCLcB/s320/2016-11-13-PHOTO-00000406.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Youth group members in a writing workshop with guest facilitator Jennifer Coreas.</td></tr>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Last night one of the youth group leaders and I walked from
door to door requesting letters from the participants' parents, so that
we can surprise them with their parents’ supportive words at our Christmas
celebration with them tonight. After two hours of going door to door, we were
headed back home at 9:30, and what to our wondering eyes should appear? (hint: not
a miniature sleigh, nor 8 tiny reindeer) But 3 soldiers crouched down in full gear…. Three
soldiers, automatic weapons drawn, crouched down and moving quickly along the perimeter
of our homes, making their way through our community, sending everyone running
inside. In some twisted way, both of our evening rounds are construed as
violence prevention efforts geared towards ensuring safe communities. Why the
military policing strategy is given millions, while youth-led community
organizing efforts don’t usually make the funding drawing board, is beyond me.
Except for the fact that the violence and the resulting state of insecurity is incredibly profitable to many… who
will certainly not bump into crouching soldiers in their communities on their
way home at night. And yet… tonight we will celebrate life. We will celebrate
the vibrancy of the young people in our community and their creative
energy. And we will keep working to create a world where just maybe, one fine day, the soldiers might lay down their guns and
celebrate with us.<o:p></o:p></div>
Jenna Knapphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02893904041220232946noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8244999278766982516.post-82492064014513068802015-09-01T09:30:00.000-07:002015-09-01T09:30:06.057-07:00Beneath Brutality and Black Ribbons<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">He was sleeping when I first laid eyes on
him again. It had been a year and a half since we had spent every day together
in Uganda during his time in the rehabilitation home for boys raised by the
streets. I woke him up. He looked up at me, and his beautiful eyes (one now
white and cloudy) filled with tears. We sat and cried together as he relayed to
me how the security guards had beaten him simply for being out walking at night
with his dog, shortly after I left.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“It was as if they wanted to beat me to death,
and I wish they would have done so. They left my eye so swollen and bleeding from
their sticks and put me in jail where it kept bleeding for days.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Joseph is so full of life and love, but
he’s been hardened by so many who treat him with scorn. He’s quick to lash out
and act out, yet he is an incredibly loyal and loving friend. When I’d run
errands, I would come back and find that he had washed all of my clothes and
even taken several of them to the tailor to be patched up. He hardly left my side
for the two weeks I was back in Uganda. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-RomI812vDAM/VeXK1_HuHAI/AAAAAAAABEg/OYvc1wAE_C0/s1600/IMG_1731.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-RomI812vDAM/VeXK1_HuHAI/AAAAAAAABEg/OYvc1wAE_C0/s320/IMG_1731.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><o:p><br /></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">At 17, he is again living on the streets
with all the strength, willpower, pain, risks, and heartache that entails. His
self-esteem has taken a turn for the worse as he is ashamed of his white,
cloudy eye that causes him constant pain. We went to the clinic to see if
anything could be done and were told that the pain is from the pressure in his
eye that remains high from the beating. The guards scratched his cornea with
their sticks and his vision can only be restored by a cornea transplant; an
operation which is not available in Uganda. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">(**If
you know of organizations that donate this type of surgery, please let me
know!!**) <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-CEo_oB3afCU/VeXLCbIG4qI/AAAAAAAABEo/1b_5w4PYUCs/s1600/IMG_1728.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-CEo_oB3afCU/VeXLCbIG4qI/AAAAAAAABEo/1b_5w4PYUCs/s320/IMG_1728.jpg" width="240" /></a></i></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I was so enraged by the brutality that so
many young people endure world-over when systems are still entrenched in the
idea that punitive justice will someone how “straighten out” today’s youth. As
we walked to the internet café, I walked with one eye closed, realizing how
Joseph’s vision would be for the rest of his life unless he is able to get a
transplant. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I logged into my facebook account as Joseph
waited patiently beside me, and the first message I saw was from a friend in El
Salvador in the community where I lived and worked for four years. He’d written
to tell me that a 14-year old had been killed in front of the school, and that
the soldiers had stormed the community and beaten and carted off a whole group
of young people as they went door-to-door collecting money for the funeral
expenses for their friend. One had sustained a severe head injury from the
beatings. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">More punitive justice. More abuse by the
“authorities.” More guilty until proven innocent. I scrolled down the newsfeed
hoping for a picture of someone’s baby with a “2 months old!” sign to bring me
back to a happy place and my heart skipped a beat. I saw the black ribbon that
all too often takes up my newsfeed, and this time it was accompanied by “Rest
in peace Alejandra.” Beneath the post were a host of messages; one of them from
my dear friend Jonathan read: “See you soon.” I looked up at Joseph's cloudy eye and crooked smile and gazed back down at the dreaded black ribbon next to Alejandra's smiling photo. Beneath the remnants of brutality and the black ribbons there are endless dreams and untold stories that I've been blessed to be close enough to hold. If only the whole world could hear them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-rh4r8cqxLJQ/VeXLsfU5aJI/AAAAAAAABEw/i8zd7FqCDpM/s1600/11407123_1452231605088779_3939851511523347899_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-rh4r8cqxLJQ/VeXLsfU5aJI/AAAAAAAABEw/i8zd7FqCDpM/s320/11407123_1452231605088779_3939851511523347899_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Alejandra and her beloved grandmother</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Alejandra and Jonathan were two young
people I had known for years in El Salvador, who had struggled together to
leave behind the street life they’d grown up in. While Jonathan managed to
leave the gang life, Alejandra could never quite cut her ties. I met Alejandra
while doing creative writing workshops in the juvenile detention center. I will
never forget her zest for life and her child-like zeal over her accomplishments.
She loved writing and expressing her frustrations and aspirations through
whatever came to her mind. She wrote a beautiful piece for her mother one day
after being moved to tears in her cell by a song on the radio, and I’ll never
forget the eagerness with which she awaited my affirmation the day she showed
me the poem. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">She was a natural leader. When she got out
of detention she began recruiting youth from her neighborhood to join a project
for youth wishing to leave the street life. She couldn’t quite leave that life
herself, and a few mistakes in, she was kicked out of the program and sent back
to the detention center by her parole officer. The streets offer family, quick
money, mobility, and a sense of belonging, while the “peacebuilding” community
offers short-lived programs with no follow up and/or detention. Which would you
choose?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Alejandra got out and soon had a beautiful
son who won’t have a single memory of her. She was killed when he was only 2
years old… by whom? We’ll likely never know, since the deaths of
gang-affiliated youth are rarely if ever investigated. It could have been the
police, her “rivals” or her own friends. We’ll never know. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-NKTRnFHb7JQ/VeXMQ61BRQI/AAAAAAAABE4/I5JzK2ucjGk/s1600/1556359_1421467314831875_2295259523814547943_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-NKTRnFHb7JQ/VeXMQ61BRQI/AAAAAAAABE4/I5JzK2ucjGk/s320/1556359_1421467314831875_2295259523814547943_o.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Alejandra and her son</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I showed Joseph her photo on the screen and
he shook his head with sadness. “She’s so beautiful,” he said. Young people a
world away… united by their desire to belong, to live and to thrive, and by their
experiences of violence and brutality. Joseph now lived with half of his vision
and a mound of trauma, but at least he was still alive…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I wrote to Jonathan, letting him know I was
so sorry for the loss of his friend. I logged out of my account and re-focused
my attention on the sounds of Uganda surrounding me. Cars passed outside,
honking incessantly. Joseph chatted with a friend. The generator made a buzzing
noise. I walked outside and Joseph grabbed my hand to cross the street. I
crossed with caution, still in a state of disbelief, all too aware of the
fragility of this life, especially for the billions of young people struggling
to find their place in this world.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Jonathan responded to my message several
days later, by which time I’d started my internship in LA with a group doing
gang violence intervention. The stories here in LA are the same stories as
those told by youth world-over… police brutality, corruption, detention,
criminalization, uncertainty…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Amidst so
much tragedy, Jonathan gave me great hope. Two friends of mine had interviewed
him with me in January and we would soon be publishing his story on their
historical memory blog. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Jonathan was a living, breathing miracle.
He’d escaped death more times than I could count on my fingers and toes. He had
survived the Ilobasco prison fire in 2009 that killed 27 of his cellmates and
long-time friends (in which guards left the young inmates to burn alive for 35
minutes before unlocking their cell). He’d literally risen from the dead, as he
was placed in the hospital morgue, thought to be dead from his burns and from
smoke inhalation, but he woke up feeling very cold and dazed and walked out of
the room, much to the horror of the nurse he encountered in the hallway. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-PgC9irn49jw/VeXMnTAZL1I/AAAAAAAABFA/byCstgnwxW4/s1600/Jonathan%2Band%2Bgirlfriend%2B6506.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-PgC9irn49jw/VeXMnTAZL1I/AAAAAAAABFA/byCstgnwxW4/s320/Jonathan%2Band%2Bgirlfriend%2B6506.jpeg" width="235" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jonathan and his girlfriend Andrea, January 2015</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Jonathan had seen it all at his 22 years of
age. Most notably, he had realized without a doubt that the gang lifestyle made
no sense, and he had chosen to be jumped out of the gang despite the risks this
posed to his safety. He told us <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“What is
the gang even fight for? For nothing. They say we’re fighting for territory but
we’re the ones who die and the territory stays here.”</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With his heart of gold and fearless nature,
he began counseling youth out of joining the gang. He would give a hand to whoever
was in need, and he landed a job for several years in a Christian used-clothing
store that gives jobs to former gang-members. Whenever I’d sink into doubt
about whether or not it would be possible for the many youth I work with to transform
their lifestyle, I’d think of Jonathan and he’d give me hope that it was
certainly possible. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Jonathan would go with me to speak to
groups visiting El Salvador on cultural immersion trips and he’d fearlessly
explain his own story. He’d highlight the ways in which the society makes it
merely impossible to change because police target gang-involved youth, often
killing them indiscriminately whether or not they are still involved in gang
activities. He’d explain the barriers to employment and the psychosocial
baggage that his homeboys faced and the fact that those who are seen as
victimizers are in fact victims as well. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">As we chatted I asked him which name he’d
like to use in the upcoming publication of his story, and he told me he’d like
to be called “Proceres” (Hero). I asked how he was doing and he said he was ok,
but that he could hardly leave his house because “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">these days the police are killing all of us, even those of us who
aren’t involved in anything anymore</i>.” I told him I knew how dangerous the
situation was, and to stay safe. He sent a thumbs up.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">One week later I had a long, invigorating
conversation with a friend about the potential for working together to create
opportunities for Salvadoran youth to become involved in changing the trend of
violence and abuse in their country and writing a new narrative. As I drove
home, my mind was racing, thinking of the possibilities given this new
connection. My mind was still spinning when I got home and checked my facebook
before going to bed. I couldn’t breathe. The same black ribbon. This time it
read, “Rest in peace, Jonathan. We will never forget you.” I checked his wall
in disbelief, and sure enough… I saw the litany of messages appearing since the
news got out that he had been shot to death while waiting for the bus. I
thought back to the comment he had made on Alejandra’s wall “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">see you soon</i>.” It’s as if he already
sensed that his 9 lives had been used up…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wJFzG5fWfqo/VeXM-26JcpI/AAAAAAAABFI/FKphn3Wvizg/s1600/jonathan.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wJFzG5fWfqo/VeXM-26JcpI/AAAAAAAABFI/FKphn3Wvizg/s320/jonathan.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jonathan at church with his 5-year old son the evening before he was killed</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I certainly didn’t sleep that night, but
though awake, I didn’t stop dreaming. Joseph’s blindness and Alejandra and
Jonathan’s murders enrage and immobilize me. At the same time, they urge me into
action. May these young sages, in all of their suffering and wisdom, guide those
of us dedicated to creating spaces for young people to flourish and challenge
systems of oppression. May we never tire in our efforts as we cling to the hope
that dreaded black ribbons will soon be replaced by posts of life as it unfolds.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">*See </span><b><span style="background: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial; font-size: 9.5pt; mso-ansi-language: ES-TRAD; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-field-code: " HYPERLINK \0022http\:\/\/embracingelsalvador\.org\/\0022 \\t \0022_blank\0022 ";"><u><span style="color: #1155cc;">embracingelsalvador.org</span></u></span></span></b><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ansi-language: ES-TRAD; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><span lang="EN-US">for Jonathan’s full life story as he relayed it to us in January,
2015. The story was transcribed and edited with great care by Don Seiple and
Caroline Scheaffer. </span><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ansi-language: ES-TRAD; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Jenna Knapphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02893904041220232946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8244999278766982516.post-78773004999722132562015-04-05T15:17:00.002-07:002015-04-06T04:16:57.949-07:00She Seeks My Warmth<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 3.25in;">
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I found out yesterday that Ángel was killed in a motorcycle accident. Maria Hoisington and I were privileged enough to share a bit of this life with him when he took part in our poetry project while in juvenile detention in
El Salvador. He was 20 years old. I had
just been chatting with him about how he wanted to try to make it up to LA so as to get
a job and send money back to his wife and 2-year old daughter whom he loved a
great deal. He was to embark on this risky journey this month, since it is
merely impossible for young people to “turn their lives around” in a country whose
legal system and law enforcement officials assume their guilt unless they can
afford a lawyer to prove their innocence. I want to share four pieces he wrote
for the book “Beneath a Gangster’s Mask,” as a tribute to his resilience, in
gratitude for his openness, and as a reminder that there is so much work to be
done to create a world where violence is not at the center of so many young
lives.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-s4vObna9W2c/VSGxpMEBOdI/AAAAAAAAA9I/eV3yZ7YE8Ek/s1600/Carlos%2B1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-s4vObna9W2c/VSGxpMEBOdI/AAAAAAAAA9I/eV3yZ7YE8Ek/s1600/Carlos%2B1.jpg" height="318" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ángel and his daughter.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><i><span style="color: black; font-size: 14pt;">Abuse</span></i></b><span style="color: black; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><span style="color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;">Ángel</span></b><span style="color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">When my dad would come back drunk we would hide all of the knives
and broomsticks. He always took out his anger on us. He had a shit ton of women
and children. He even stole one of my girlfriends.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">I have younger twin sisters. I remember that just for crying, he
used to hit one of them. One time he put his hand in her mouth to choke her.
Then he broke a broomstick on my mother’s head. A splinter got stuck in her
head and if she removes it she can die.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;">On Sundays we used to rest from selling all week at the market. I
would fix the car with my dad and he’d hit me with anything he had in his
hands; pliers, hammers, and screwdrivers. I would much rather have been working
on the street. When he didn’t beat me with sticks, he’d kick me and leave me
kneeling in sorghum seeds</span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="color: red; font-size: 14.0pt;"> </span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;">crying.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">I didn’t say anything to my mom because I was too embarrassed,
until one day she found me crying. She asked, “are you hurt?” and she began to
cry. I knew that if she babied me, my dad would beat her.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">When I didn’t sell enough avocados, he beat the shit out of me.
When he beat the shit out of me, I was filled with rage, and with this rage
inside I felt hatred and the urge to kill. I fear finding him because I don’t
know whether I’d kill him or hug him. Sometimes I love him, and sometimes I
hate him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">I wanted to hear that he loved me. I envied other happy families
because I was beaten all of the time. I wanted to hear that my dad was proud of
me and that I was intelligent. I didn’t want to hear that I was worthless and
that he wished I’d never been born.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">Children exist to be cared for. They don’t exist to be beaten,
treated like slaves, and manipulated. A parent’s role is to care for them and
give them a good example and all that they need, not to obligate them to
provide for the family. Be good parents. If not, your children will feel the
same hatred for you that I feel towards my father.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Ángel always had a far off gaze in his eyes when
he re-imagined his childhood. His pain was palpable, but so was his
determination to change the course of his life and to shower his own daughter
with all of the love he had never received. His wife used to visit him at the
detention center as their child grew in her stomach, and after one of those
visits he wrote the piece below:</span><br />
<i style="font-size: 14pt; font-weight: bold; text-align: right;"><br /></i>
<i style="font-size: 14pt; font-weight: bold; text-align: right;">She Seeks My Warmth</i><br />
<b style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><i>-</i>Ángel</span></b></div>
<br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">On Wednesday she brought me the ultrasound,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">all rolled up.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">You could see her tiny eye, nose, and mouth<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">at three and a half months.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I felt happy and nervous<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">as if I already had my daughter in my hands.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I kissed the photo and I kissed my wife.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I couldn’t wait to meet her!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I kissed her belly and I said:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
“I love you my love.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I started playing with her belly<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">and the baby pushed back on my hand.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">My wife says that my daughter seeks me<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">when we are together.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">She seeks my warmth.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span>
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-57uutyqJr8Y/VSGyB8YDp7I/AAAAAAAAA9Q/YtyekYEKieI/s1600/Carlos%2B2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-57uutyqJr8Y/VSGyB8YDp7I/AAAAAAAAA9Q/YtyekYEKieI/s1600/Carlos%2B2.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.0pt;">When he was released from the detention center,
she became the center of his world. He loved her dearly, and it pains me to know
that she will grow up without his warmth and without a single memory of him.</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 18.6666660308838px;">Ángel spent years in juvenile detention, and he was well aware of how gang members are treated as scapegoats for all social ills in El Salvador. They are treated as the problem, rather than the symptom of years of exclusion and marginalization. He wrote the following piece as he reflected on the injustice and discrimination that had defined his life and that awaited him upon his release:</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 18.6666660308838px;"><br /></span></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-themecolor: text1;">To Those in the System<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">-Angel<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">They
say no to robbery<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">No
to extortion<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">No
to killing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">But
they won’t <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">provide
work or support.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">Just
because we’re gangsters<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">they
discriminate against us<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">They
don’t let us live in peace.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">How
do they have the right to demand things of us<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">when
they offer us nothing?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">They
say yes to massive round-ups<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">Yes
to “capture them all”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">Yes
to “give them a ton of years in jail”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">Yes
to eliminate gangs<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">Yes
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">I
say no to abusing people<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">No
to discrimination<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">No
to humiliation.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">Yes
to support<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">Yes
to being taken into account<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">Yes
to being helped<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">Yes
to opportunities.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">A
gangster is no better or worse than a civilian.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">We
all have the same value<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">No
matter who we are.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">See
me for who I am, not for who I was. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;"><br /></span>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-NMs-ljP_Y0Q/VSJq6gz6efI/AAAAAAAAA9k/ljFtr4JyoXw/s1600/carlos%2B3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-NMs-ljP_Y0Q/VSJq6gz6efI/AAAAAAAAA9k/ljFtr4JyoXw/s1600/carlos%2B3.jpg" height="239" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ángel with his partner and his daughter shortly after being released from detention.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.0pt;">Though his life was full of trials and tribulations from a very young age, Ángel never stopped dreaming and trying to become a better person each day. Though others saw him as merely a "gangster," he was determined to change the course of his life and to provide a bright future for his daughter. He wrote the following poem near the end of his time in detention:</span><br />
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<b><i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"><br /></span></i></b>
<b><i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"><br /></span></i></b>
<b><i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 14pt;">A Man’s Desire</span></i></b><br />
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">Ángel<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">If
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">leaving
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">If
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">If
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">I
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">If
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">I
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">But
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">I
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">but
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">a
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.0pt;">I hope that on this Easter Sunday, we can
recommit ourselves to breaking down the fortresses we have constructed to
protect our fragile lives. I hope we can step out of our nicely decorated
churches, our comfortable homes, and our minds full of fear and self-doubt, and
that we can encounter those whose stories just might break our hearts, but
whose resilience and wisdom will surely astound and inspire us. After all, it is in and
through this union that we might come to know the daily practice of
resurrection as we work together to build inclusive and loving communities.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;"><br /></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
Jenna Knapphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02893904041220232946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8244999278766982516.post-71818731675529421872014-02-11T11:20:00.000-08:002014-02-12T08:13:47.640-08:00A Hasty Goodbye<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I distinctly remember throwing a pity party
for myself in the 8<sup>th</sup> grade when a friend (Laura Dubach… cheers to
you wherever you are!)’s grandparent passed away and our whole St. Pius class
was so empathetic and supportive of her. I panicked, realizing that I was going
to a different high school than most of my peers. I couldn’t stop thinking, “When
my grandparents pass away, who will support me if I’m not here at St. Pius? Who
will comfort me?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Little did I know at the time
that 12 years later I would find myself seated in a circle on the floor of a
home in Kampala, Uganda, surrounded by 22 teenage boys showering me with well-wishes,
advice, and farewells. These boys, filled with years of their own trauma and
pain, are not those I would have pictured lifting me up when my grandmother
passed away on Sunday. Yet, I should have known back in 8<sup>th</sup> grade
that if I followed the quiet voice of my vocation, this life would continue to
surprise me, and I would never be left alone in my times of loss and grief. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">On Sunday I had to tell the boys
unexpectedly that I was leaving Uganda to come back to the US for my
grandmother’s funeral, and that I would not be returning to Uganda any time
soon. I was supposed to stay in Uganda for four more months, but the ticket to
go back is too expensive to make returning a reality. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">In these boys’ lives filled with transition
and abandonment, I hated having to be another caregiver who left them at the
drop of a hat. Yet, rather than holding it against me, they were so kind and
supportive. When I received an email Saturday, informing me that my grandmother
was not going to make it, one of the boys sat with me on my bed holding my hand
as I cried for hours (until he eventually fell asleep). When word got out to
the three boys whom I had formed the strongest connection with that I was
leaving, they held constant vigil in my room for my last 48 hours in Uganda.
They would come in, lie down on my bed, and cry, and it would tear my heart
out. We were all painfully aware of the fact that I lingered with them as a
comet, soon to jet off into the distance with no promise of returning soon. I've lived this pain of separation many times before, yet somehow it still catches me by surprise.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QxTbkGc-ZNE/Uvp2hUN48lI/AAAAAAAAAfE/t9OmM_2IACI/s1600/IMG_0016.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QxTbkGc-ZNE/Uvp2hUN48lI/AAAAAAAAAfE/t9OmM_2IACI/s1600/IMG_0016.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Some of the boys keeping me company in my room hours before I left.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">A few years ago, most of these boys were so
hardened that they simply could not show emotion nor connect with anyone.
Joseph was one of these boys. He could not be bothered by anyone’s attempts to
get through to him. He is the same boy that thanked me for coming back to
Uganda on my first night back, and he and I grew closer each day I was back. On
Monday morning (the day of my departure) he came into my room and sat quietly
on my bed. No sooner had I put my arm around his neck than I began to feel his
silent teardrops running down my hand. He uttered, in a barely audible voice, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“When you leave, I will not feel so good. I
will feel so bad. You were the one who would tell me ‘come and we go.’</i>
(When I would take him with me wherever I went).<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> I will be missing you, and I love you so much Auntie Jen. I am going
to work hard and be a mechanic. Then I will build a house in the village and
when you come back, I will take you to visit my house.”</i> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Joseph is one of the boys that could not
articulate a long-term goal for his life if you paid him a million shillings to
do so. Making this goal a reality will certainly be an uphill daily battle that
will likely test every ounce of Amanda’s (the home’s founder) patience in the
process, but the fact that he can now allow others to love him, return that
love, and imagine a future for himself is no small victory. As Father Greg
Boyle states in his book, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Tattoos on the
Heart,</i> we have to trust in the “slow work of God”, and Joseph is certainly
a product of this slow but certain work. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-KcU-f37OHY4/Uvp3iwN-QDI/AAAAAAAAAfM/7CrQvtqs-uw/s1600/IMG_0005.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-KcU-f37OHY4/Uvp3iwN-QDI/AAAAAAAAAfM/7CrQvtqs-uw/s1600/IMG_0005.JPG" height="213" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Joseph and I saying goodbye to Oola, Cloe, and Winnie</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">After rushing around all day Monday trying
to say goodbye to the people I love in Kampala, I came back home in the
afternoon and Joseph was sitting on our front step, staring at the gate,
waiting for me to come back. He and our three dogs ran up to greet me and he
told me he had been waiting for me all afternoon. I mentioned that my
flip-flops were so dirty from running around all day and he took them off my
feet and went out back to scrub them clean. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">A few hours later, he accompanied me (along
with 5 other boys) to the bus park in the center of Kampala to catch a bus to
the airport. As we bused to the city center, he flopped down and laid his head
in my lap as he always used to do when feeling overwhelmed. Once we reached
town, he held my hand and rushed me through the crowded streets, telling me we
had to hurry because he didn’t want me to miss my flight. They hoisted me and
all of my things onto the last open seat of the bus that was headed to the
airport and stood, frozen, shouting well-wishes all at once, perfectly framed
by the opening of the bus door that closed all-too quickly on this chapter of
my life, drowning out their final goodbyes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">As the 6 of us had scurried through Kampala’s
dark streets, shoulder-to-shoulder with throbs of people headed home, dodging
the wares of the candle-lit street vendor stands, I couldn’t help but think
that not too long ago, this scene was these boys’ home. This was prime time for
pick-pocketing, time to dodge police beatings, time to search for leftover food
scraps, time to pull out their plastic bags to cover their slender bodies as
they prepared to rest in the callous arms of the streets that claimed their
childhoods. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Thanks to their brave commitment to
changing the course of their lives, as well as to Amanda’s willingness to
listen to the urgings of an over-zealous college student (me) 5 years ago and decide
to move to Uganda indefinitely, they now have a new home. I will miss them
dearly, and I am eternally grateful to have taken part in a short leg of their
journeys at this home. I have learned from them (and from Amanda) the true
meaning of forgiveness and resilience.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Jenna Knapphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02893904041220232946noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8244999278766982516.post-60645055975195224962014-01-18T04:44:00.002-08:002014-01-18T05:34:52.204-08:00The Need for a New Cassette<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">To be
honest, this home and living here 24/7 has tested my patience more than any
other place I’ve lived in my life. I now have a very visceral understanding as
to why social workers and caretakers at group homes in the US work in shifts. I
am also getting a crash course in how parenting can be maddening, because there
are no shifts. Unless you’re blessed with a great support network, there’s no
one to work nights for you while you rest, nowhere to send all of your children
while you take a retreat, and no higher authority to revert to when you’ve
exhausted your parenting tactics. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Many of the
boys at this home display a wide array of attention-seeking behaviors, due to
their complicated pasts and low self-esteem. I have to remind myself daily to continue
to love them, and to remember that their behaviors are a product of the social
exclusion they endured for so many years on the streets (and still face in many
ways). I remind myself not to shout, and to make patient requests rather than
demands. I read Marshall Rosenberg’s “Non-violent Communication: A Language of
Life” (Read it anyone and everyone who hasn’t, it is amazing!) yet I fail each
and every day to implement the empathetic, non-judgmental listening techniques
that I aspire to possess. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Often times
it requires paying acute attention to the boys’ behaviors to unmask what is
provoking them. For instance, we have started making paper beaded jewelry with
all of the boys this holiday season in order to sell it in the US and fundraise
for the home. The woman who cooks for us at our home has two small
granddaughters, and last week they were “helping” to make beads with us in the
sitting room. They were sitting on the table attempting to make beads as the
rest of us worked. One of the boys (who is about 14 years old) came into the
room and proceeded to put one of our dogs on the table, spilling all of the
beads, scattering the papers, and getting the table dirty with whatever the dog
had last walked through. Every time I took the dog off of the table, he would
put her back on. We ended up ceasing our bead-making activities for the day,
and it wasn’t until later that he came to me and told me that he was annoyed
that the baby girls were sitting on the table that we eat on, so he had put the
dog on the table out of anger. I will never understand the logic behind this approach,
but had I understood his behavior as it unraveled I could have spared us a
shouting match and we could have continued making jewelry. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-1DInX9P0hzs/Utp0soROvfI/AAAAAAAAAeY/g3GFirzCe3w/s1600/PC230358.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-1DInX9P0hzs/Utp0soROvfI/AAAAAAAAAeY/g3GFirzCe3w/s1600/PC230358.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Joseph and his trusty dog Max</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">One of the
most painful aspects of this work is to witness the way in which power
relationships and cycles of abuse play out in their lives. Having been the
objects of scorn for so many years, many of the boys have internalized the
resulting rage and now take it out on the boys who are younger than them, on
our cook’s grandchildren here at home, or on the dogs (their former competition
for left-overs when they lived on the street). They’ve been taught for so many
years (first in their homes and then on the street), that the stronger person
wins—the one who exhibits the most power prevails. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Though they were once the objects of severe
beatings (at home and then by the local police on the streets), they remain
convinced (as do 99 percent of Ugandans in an informal poll taken in my brain)
that beating children is the only way to educate them. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Bg6zrd6ptzU/Utp09JkglAI/AAAAAAAAAek/RXCcvQ7-vsc/s1600/IMG_2416.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Bg6zrd6ptzU/Utp09JkglAI/AAAAAAAAAek/RXCcvQ7-vsc/s1600/IMG_2416.jpg" height="239" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our cook's grandchildren helping me wash my clothes. <br />
(Sadly they are no exception to the rule as far as harsh disciplinary practices are concerned...)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><o:p><br /></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">As much as
I try not to be ethnocentric so as to respect cultural norms and beliefs, I
will never believe in beating children. While it can certainly change
behaviors, it doesn’t change attitudes. While children may stop stealing
after being beaten, they change their behavior because they are scared of being
caned, not (as Marshal Rosenberg states in his book) “because they recognize
the responsibility for their actions and are conscious of the fact that their
wellbeing and that of others is one and the same.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">I simply
don’t believe that we were placed on this earth only to fear and invoke fear.
Many of the boys have gone back to their respective villages over their school
vacation and those that still have fathers have described a similar pattern.
When they were growing up, they lived in fear of their fathers’ wrath and
constant beatings, and in most cases this influenced their decision to run to
the streets of Kampala. Now that they have grown up physically, however, and
they know how to fight, their fathers are now scared of them. They can now go
home only because their fathers are scared of their sons beating them and can
no longer lay a hand on them. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">As I think
about this phenomenon, I can’t help but imagine the sadness of a loving God
watching Her creation turn life into a cassette tape whose music evokes fear
and pain, until it is flipped over at a given point and then remains silent,
fearing the wrath of its listeners who have had enough if its music. I can only
hope that wherever we are on this earth, we seek out those whose ears are
ringing with the caustic tune of fear, pain, and uncomfortable silence and do
our unique part to turn this into a melody of unconditional love and mutual
understanding. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
Jenna Knapphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02893904041220232946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8244999278766982516.post-84416945159889752942013-12-12T01:27:00.000-08:002013-12-12T01:27:00.133-08:00Moses<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">There are days when it is extremely
difficult to figure out how to best love and support the boys at this home. Due
to the fact that their early childhoods were shaped by neglect, broken
promises, and abuse, most of these boys now have severe trust issues and their
behavior is often unpredictable and bordering on bi-polar (I’m not a clinical
psychologist so don’t quote me on that diagnosis, but it certainly seems to be
the case). On any given day, at least 3 boys are likely to be giving me the
silent treatment (for one reason or another that I usually cannot pinpoint for
the life of me).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">A few weeks ago one of the boys, Moses, came
into my room, sat on my lap, and told me that I was his friend and that he
loved me so much. We watched the sunset together through my window and I
cherished this unusual expression of affection from a boy whose character is
volatile to say the least. We spent the next two hours together working on
letters to his sponsors and he took great care and concern in making sure they
were perfect. When he was just about to finish, he stormed out of the room and
has refused to talk with me since. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">The following day when I went and sat on his bed
attempting to talk to him and he informed me that in his heart he does not love
me, and that it was useless to love me because I would not give him
anything. Since these boys had to survive for so many years on the streets,
part of their survival strategy consisted of cunning people into giving them
things (especially foreigners with good hearts and questionable tactics as to
how best to support kids living on the streets with severe drug dependencies). Their
concept of love is now directly tied to what they will get out of someone. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">The more time I spend with those who have
been pushed to the margins of this world, the more I realize that our Western
concept of true love (that isn’t motivated by social climbing) is often a luxury
reserved for those whose basic needs are met and who don’t have to figure out
how to keep surviving each day of this life. In general, love is much more of a
commodity here in Uganda than a romanticized Hollywood selfless gift. In the
Baganda tribe, high bride prices of cows, goats, food, clothing, etc. are
demanded from the groom’s family before a bride can be “given” to a groom. The
boys in this home, with their complex and heartbreaking histories, are
certainly no exception to the rule, and their search for self-interested love
can cause them to shut down completely when they don’t get what they want. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">As I sat with Moses on his bed and watched
him fake-sleep so that I would go away, my eyes filled with tears. I felt such
a strong love for this boy who is wise beyond his years and who lost both of
his parents and his younger sister at the age of 12. I couldn’t help but think
that the deep love and rejection that I felt must mirror the love of the Creator, who
waits for us to delight in Her creation, in the bonds between us and in the
natural world that surrounds us, as we are blinded by our own pain and refuse
to open ourselves to this joy. Maybe we, too, are waiting to see what we can
“get out of” re-connecting ourselves to the divinity within and around us, so
we shut down instead and continue to live in autopilot. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<!--EndFragment--><br />
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<span lang="EN-US">Moses does not have to decide to let me in.
After all, I am just another passing figure in his life. I just hope that he
does not continue to shut out those who wish to love him and share in his life.
I can’t help but think that in doing so, he will conspire in weaving a future
for himself marked by the same isolation, despair, and aggressive behavior that
defined his past. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-MTaJmSu7SyQ/UqmA-2_D8OI/AAAAAAAAAUk/R1LG_dlT-5s/s1600/PA050490.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-MTaJmSu7SyQ/UqmA-2_D8OI/AAAAAAAAAUk/R1LG_dlT-5s/s320/PA050490.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Moses modeling some of the jewelry and headbands we sell to fund-raise.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span id="goog_2065297165"></span><span id="goog_2065297166"></span><br /></span></div>
Jenna Knapphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02893904041220232946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8244999278766982516.post-38815417167576387042013-12-02T22:22:00.002-08:002013-12-02T22:22:41.814-08:00Walking Lunges and Paper Beads<br />
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<br /></div>
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About a month ago Amanda and I met up with a small group of
women here from one of Kampala’s slums. These women were formerly part of a paper
bead jewelry-making project designed to help them generate income and set up small
businesses. Unfortunately, as is often the case with many projects here due to
a wide array of complications, all of the women’s businesses fell through (with
the exception of one woman who is rearing chickens). They also lost their
foreign market for their jewelry. The
women now feel more skeptical than ever about being vulnerable and sharing
their stories/photos/ struggles because they are scared of being exploited. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Having arrived on the
scene in the wake of such skepticism, we didn’t want to be more people that
would bring these women false hope. We explained that at the moment we don’t
have any of the answers for them, but that we would love to accompany them in
weekly meetings if they were willing. They agreed and we have been meeting once
a week for the past month. I start by leading with team building activities,
stretching, and aerobic exercises and Amanda ends with a reflection/Bible study
session. I’m hoping to come up with yoga mats, small hand weights, and jump
ropes soon so as to give them some more tools to encourage them (and myself!) to keep exercising as a means
of tension and stress relief. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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These weekly meetings have been such a source of joy in my
life here and I laugh so hard with these women every week. I introduced them to
walking lunges and the following week they were all complaining that they had
not been able to walk for days following our first exercise session. However,
they’ve all begun doing exercise in their homes and now don’t get so sore. Many
of them say they’ve had less back pain since we started exercising together. Whether
we are hopping around in circles, struggling to figure out how exactly to do
arm stretches (that are second nature to me after years of cross country), or sharing
our challenges in the reflection space, we enjoy each other’s company
immensely.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Women in our weekly meeting space.</td></tr>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thanks to friends in the US who are willing to buy the
women’s jewelry at a fair price and sell it to fund-raise for the boys’ home, we
have been able to place two small orders with the women. While this helps them
momentarily, this is not a sustainable solution for them either, since it is
not a consistent market. Due to the Kampala City Police crackdowns and “city
cleanliness” agenda, it is impossible for these women to sell their wares on
the street in the informal market without the constant fear of being picked up
and arrested by Kampala’s City Council Police. Since most are single mothers,
they don’t want to take this risk.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Should you know of any fair trade cooperatives/markets
willing to sell Ugandan jewelry/hand crafts (or if you’d be interested in
selling in any small shops, break rooms, or living rooms near you) please let
me know! We also sell their items online at www.etsy.com/shop/lot2545 (I hear it's giving Tuesday... I had never heard of that in my life...?!)<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<br /></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">One of the reed baskets that the women make.</td></tr>
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<br /></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bracelets made from recycled magazines-- one of the many styles the women make.</td></tr>
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<br />
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<br /></div>
Jenna Knapphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02893904041220232946noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8244999278766982516.post-64216306093298921862013-11-13T09:32:00.001-08:002013-11-13T09:32:32.363-08:00Chickens!<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
A few weeks ago we started the first of our small projects
here at home in an attempt to move towards self-sustainability. Donations have
been inconsistent as ever, since it is impossible to feel the intensity of
needs from a world away. When there is no money for rent and the landlord calls
repeatedly, or when there’s no money for food and we have to figure things out
on this end, the need is felt here, more so than at the sending end of a paypal
account. Thus we’ve been looking for grants to start projects here at home to
generate income (we might start raising pigs and rabbits in December if we find
the seed money).</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Three weeks ago we bought 100 baby chicks and started
rearing them inside the house just outside of our bedrooms (they smelled
great…!?). Five of the boys at home are too old and too far behind to start
formal schooling, so they have been waiting for a year for the funds to be able
to do an internship at a garage here to learn mechanics. Funds have been
promised and have never come through, so these boys are now in charge of the
chicken project in order to use the proceeds to start their own fund for their
internships. They have not been thrilled about rearing chickens, to say the
least, but slowly but surely they’ve begun the daily tasks feeding them,
cleaning their house, and of heating up the charcoal fire so they don’t freeze
to death. Our hope is that they learn to rear chickens as a life-skill as well,
that could serve them in the future when they’re on their own, trying to
provide for their families.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We’ve had two causalities thus far… one got smashed by a
piece of plywood and another got eaten by one of our dogs, but we’re hoping
that the rest can make it to a ripe old age (four more weeks, that is, until
they get sold and eaten). </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-eDuAqnIuRT8/UoO0nDORIRI/AAAAAAAAARI/Fisl2RIGuQM/s1600/PA300004.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-eDuAqnIuRT8/UoO0nDORIRI/AAAAAAAAARI/Fisl2RIGuQM/s320/PA300004.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">100 chicks in our house just outside of our bedrooms! They sing us to sleep every night.</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-MO38Y6B0Mms/UoO1ST_T0oI/AAAAAAAAARQ/iHSuHdJugfk/s1600/PA310024.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-MO38Y6B0Mms/UoO1ST_T0oI/AAAAAAAAARQ/iHSuHdJugfk/s320/PA310024.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Boys from the Ssenge home where I used to live preparing chickens for dinner. They rear chickens, goats, and cows to help fundraise for their home expenses and they're much more in touch with the circle of life than I was at their age...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One of the boys in the chicken project, Matthew, is 17 years
old and is from Northern Uganda. His mother died when he was young and his
father was killed by LRA soldiers. He ran to Kampala and lived on the streets
for many years and is still struggling to overcome the addictions and
hopelessness that defined that extended period of his life. He just came home
in August, when Amanda found out he had been taken to prison for “idling” (the
most common offense here used to throw anyone and everyone behind bars until
their families/friends pay bribes to get them out). He came home straight from
prison and has been here for four months now.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He is the boy that looks over the chickens with the most
genuine care and concern and is always conscious of their needs. Though he is
big in size, his huge smile and playfulness reveal the kid that is inside of
him that now has a safe enough space to show its face. These boys test my
patience every single day and I try (and often fail) to keep a calm, patient
demeanor even when I am at my wits end, so as not to be another person that
misunderstands them and leaves more wounds in their hearts. Matthew, with his
huge smile and child-like spirit, is no exception to the rule. He loves seeking
attention by pushing my buttons. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One of his favorite past-times is to lye on my bed at night,
act like he’s sleeping, and refuse to get up and leave when I want to kick the
boys out and go to bed. I’ve tried every trick in the book with him (including
trying to pull his huge limp body out of my room) and nothing has worked. A few
nights ago, however, I told him that I “begged” him to get up and go to his
room. Matthew doesn’t speak English, so I was speaking to him in Luganda, and
in Luganda “to beg” and “to pray” are the same word. He looked up at me and
said, “ok, pray for me.” I put my hand on his head and prayed aloud that he
might be given the strength to fight his addictions and that his heart might
heal from all of the loss he’s experienced in this life. I prayed that he might
be able to be resettled in his village with his surviving relatives so as to
not be so alone in this world. He looked up at me and smiled, then got up and
left my room to go to bed. Thanks to the double meanings in Luganda, I finally
found the trick to send Matthew to bed.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-PEglb20KEfk/UoO3CmGcIzI/AAAAAAAAARg/pVbamYY1FQ0/s1600/PB100114.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-PEglb20KEfk/UoO3CmGcIzI/AAAAAAAAARg/pVbamYY1FQ0/s320/PB100114.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Amanda, Vicent, and Matthew (Vicent is modeling the headbands that are available for sale at www.etsy.com/shop/lot2545 to support the home:)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-jFiDNnVUj_c/UoO27O_6q7I/AAAAAAAAARY/8WSQ6eQy4Vk/s320/PB070084.JPG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="320" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Matthew and I at home.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you have any ideas for other small income-generating
projects, don’t hesitate to share them. Be well wherever this finds you and
happy almost Thanksgiving!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Jenna Knapphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02893904041220232946noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8244999278766982516.post-70365761301495661792013-11-06T08:02:00.000-08:002013-11-06T08:02:08.464-08:00Prodigal Son?<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I hope this finds everyone doing well
wherever you might be reading this from!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I want to write about a reencounter I had
last Friday with a boy named Ivan whom I have loved dearly since the day I met
him five years ago.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Ivan ran to the streets when he was 7 years
old because his father beat his mother so badly that she ran from their home
and no one has heard from her since. He began collecting scrap metal and
plastic bottles on the streets of Kampala, as do so many children who have slipped
through the cracks of their disintegrating family landscapes. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Ivan slept on the streets with boys who had
run from their homes and their villages to seek independence and refuge in a
life that ends up being filled with more suffering. He suffered regular
beatings from Kampala’s City Council Police (with barbed wire, crowbars, or any
object on hand). He started sniffing <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">kyenge</i>
(jet fuel) as is common among children on the streets, because, as they state,
it takes away fear, cold, and hunger (and is cheaper than a plate of food). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">When I met Ivan in 2008, he had been taken
off of the streets by a friend of mine who had started a home for boys, and he
was back in school. He was shy and helpful and had the sweetest demeanor. He
was one of those kids that steals your heart with his charm.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When
I came back in 2009, however, I found that Ivan had run from the group home and
gone back to his father’s home, but soon found himself right back on the
streets. I sat with him on a curb as the sun set over the chaos of the
overcrowded slum where he resided. I had come back for three weeks to finish my
thesis research and I was soon leaving again. I knew I could do nothing for
Ivan, and as he averted my eyes and looked off into the distance, I sat with
him and cried. I was looking at a ghost of the person I had known, with
oversized clothing covering his lanky frame and cheekbones that spoke volumes
of the suffering he endured and the drugs he still consumed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-pFHa7hVeeYw/UnpmlkRrrSI/AAAAAAAAAQc/PIVMeb7C_eQ/s1600/DSC02479.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-pFHa7hVeeYw/UnpmlkRrrSI/AAAAAAAAAQc/PIVMeb7C_eQ/s320/DSC02479.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ivan in 2009 after having gone back to the streets.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">When I came back in September, I went to
look for Ivan, assuming I’d still find him on the streets since boys his age
(he is now 17) virtually never get chances to live in homes or partake in
rehabilitation programs. I found a man, Uncle Baka, in Kisenyi leading a Bible
study/feeding program for street children and was overjoyed when he told me
that he had in fact taken Ivan into his family’s home and that Ivan was working
and learning how to weld. He explained to me that Ivan had gone back home, and
his father had been so disgraced to see the “drug addict” and “thief” that his
son had become that he took him to prison, hoping that he would “reform” there.
Uncle Baka fought to get him out of prison and took him into his own home.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Ivan has been at Uncle Baka’s home for 7
months and he looks like an entirely different person. He is working and
confident in himself, he has gained weight, and his eyes shine again the way
they used to when I met him years ago. When I went to visit him at Uncle’s
home, I couldn’t help but imagine what our world would be like if each family
took in someone that everyone else had given up on. Ivan had been on the
streets for 8 years and had been deemed hopeless by his own father, yet this
family saw his potential and took him in. We write off so many people as
hopeless cases, and we thus become the authors of a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Isolation and discrimination will always breed hopelessness, whereas loving
investment, trust, and dignified work can foster amazing changes in the lives
of the so-called “lost causes.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Last Friday I took Ivan back to the boys’
home where he used to stay so that he could see all of the people who love him
still, though many thought that he was dead since they hadn’t heard from him since
he ran. The reunion was bittersweet, as Ivan was reminded that many people love
him, but also saw the world he left behind that he could have still been a part
of, had he not run away.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-PedsBIAwtII/UnpnEPwc-GI/AAAAAAAAAQk/RQyPmDUOQIs/s1600/PA310012.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-PedsBIAwtII/UnpnEPwc-GI/AAAAAAAAAQk/RQyPmDUOQIs/s320/PA310012.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ivan with some of the people he hadn't seen for four years since he left the group home.<br /><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-OBbzFxbamzY/Unpnq9P_UjI/AAAAAAAAAQs/55scT-pgfME/s1600/PA310018.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-OBbzFxbamzY/Unpnq9P_UjI/AAAAAAAAAQs/55scT-pgfME/s320/PA310018.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ivan and I at his old group home.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span lang="EN-US">On the way home, he told me that he wanted
to go to his father’s home to see him. He told me that his father would be so
happy to see that he had changed and that he was now working. Though it was
getting late, we hopped on a boda (motorcycle) and rode to his father’s
storefront shop (his father is a wealthy Catholic businessman with 10
children). When we finally arrived, Ivan knelt down to greet his father (a
cultural sign of respect), and his father didn’t even pause his conversation to
acknowledge his son. We spent an awkward half an hour there, where I did all of
the talking, explaining how proud I was of Ivan for being hardworking and trustworthy,
while his father shook his head, called him a thief, and assured me that he had
never mistreated him. We soon got up to leave and as we were about to get on
the bus to head home, Ivan called out “Good night father.” His father turned
around to head back to his shop without speaking a single word. So much for the
celebration of the return of the prodigal son. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I do not have children, but I cannot
imagine bringing one into this world, and simply giving up on him/her.
Thankfully for Ivan, there have been others willing to come in and pick up the
pieces of his despair and patch them back together, but he will always long for
his father’s acceptance, despite his abusive history.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">If I ever settle down in one place, I hope
that my home can be a place where the “hopeless” are again renewed, and where
healing and forgiveness can do their slow work on hardened hearts.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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Jenna Knapphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02893904041220232946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8244999278766982516.post-5368216442287219932013-10-19T09:15:00.000-07:002013-10-19T09:15:33.482-07:00Letting Go<div class="MsoNormal">
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<span lang="EN-US">Last weekend we celebrated one of the boys’
birthday here at home. Most of the boys don’t know when their real birthdays
are because they ran to the streets when they were between 5 and 10 years old
and have no documentation. The boys choose their birthdays and we celebrate
with soda, sweet bread, and watermelon and/or bananas. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">David’s party was last Saturday night. As
soon as we finished eating dinner seated around the main room of our house, the
boys started dancing and spraying their soda in the air. In my head, I was
thinking of the possible lecture (--you’re wasting soda which we only ever have
as a special treat, thus we won’t buy it again--).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">Once the floor was slick with soda, one of
the boys filled a basin with water and proceeded to throw it into the room,
showering many of us. (At this point I’m thinking of all of the possible
reasons to scold them… “We are renting this house and need to take care of it
and not flood it”…. “What will the 2 guests think who are here? What image of
us are we leaving with them?” etc…) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">The basin of water was the first of many and
we spent an hour dodging water basins both inside and outside the house. When
things finally settled down, we got the boys together to affirm David and cut
the cake. This session ended in a giant wrestling match on the slick floor,
several additional water basins being thrown, and a minor knife wound because
we didn’t get it out of their fast enough after the cutting of the cake. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">As I witnessed this party, marveling at the
boys’ childish spirits despite the many years that hardened them on the street,
I had to work to silence my critical voice. I realized that for the past three
years, I have worked with many youth groups in different capacities and have
been rather results driven, since funders demand results, transformation, and
incredible turnarounds in unrealistic timetables. I have been hyper sensitive
to what others will think as a result of being the butt of constant criticism
(ie: Those kids are in the youth group and they’re the same kids doing x, y,
and z…. They just go to that group to shout and waste their time, etc. etc.).
This dynamic has led me to be on the defensive and to push “orderliness” and
good manners on occasions where I really should just let go.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">This life is really too short to spend it
scolding those who don’t fit into the mold of a civilized birthday party. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If we spent more time throwing water on each
other and having unrestricted fun, this world of norms, results, and rules
would probably be a much better place. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">While I was getting ready for bed and
shaking from the cold, two of the boys knocked on my door to bring me tea. I
asked one of them if he had enjoyed the party, and he responded: “Yes, Auntie,
I have enjoyed so so so so so so much.” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At the end of the day, that’s really all that
matters.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I admire Amanda for her grace in both
guiding these boys and giving them the freedom to let go. If this were another
home of strict rules and punishment by canings (which is the norm in homes and
schools alike here), all of these boys would have run back to their lives on the
streets long ago. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9u8uvWF1MFg/UmKvo1gUiPI/AAAAAAAAAP4/XTdpYP6fkB4/s1600/PA120521.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9u8uvWF1MFg/UmKvo1gUiPI/AAAAAAAAAP4/XTdpYP6fkB4/s320/PA120521.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Many hands cutting the cake.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Just before the cutting of the cakes.<br /><br /></td></tr>
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<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Jenna Knapphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02893904041220232946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8244999278766982516.post-1356190861066827412013-10-04T04:52:00.002-07:002013-10-04T04:52:58.429-07:00<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">Being
a Bridge<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">One of my favorite things to be in this
world is a bridge. I love connecting great people, gently shoving people in
certain directions and watching them grow, sending people to study abroad in El
Salvador knowing they won’t come back the same, etc… <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Four years ago I was teaching a high school
class in South Bend about my study-abroad experience in El Salvador. During the
students’ 5 minute passing period, I mentioned to the homeroom teacher that I
had spent time in Uganda. She expressed interest in the country and in the work
I’d done and I connected her via email to those I had worked with here.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Shortly there after, she decided to say
“yes” to this random invitation. She quit teaching and moved to Uganda for a
month-long volunteer stint. She ended up staying indefinitely, and has since
started a home for 23 boys who had lived for up to 10 years on Kampala’s
streets before entering the home. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I can take no credit for the amazing work
Amanda is doing in Uganda, but I do think that her “yes” is certainly a testament
to what we are capable of doing with our lives when we respond wholeheartedly
to life’s invitations and do not let fear/rationality/self-doubt hold us back.
Four years after our meeting, I am lucky enough to be living for the year in
Amanda’s home with the boys that have stolen her heart.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">Reunions<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">On Tuesday of this week I as finally able
to go back to Ssenge boys’ home where I lived four years ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Seeing the boys I love so much 4 years later,
4 years taller, 4 years more mature, handsome, charming…. was such a blessing.
I wanted to cry as I found each one in his classroom at school (I went to their
school to find them as they were in classes when I arrived). I had such a
joyful reunion with them and with the home staff and they were all amazed that
I can still speak Luganda (conversationally, that is… I couldn’t translate to
save my life). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I am so grateful that the mysterious
workings of invitations and hearts willing to listen and say yes have ensured
that these boys have been well cared for these past four years, and primero
Dios this will continue to be the case in the years to come. I will be spending
one night a week at their home to continue to be a presence in their lives
while I’m back in Uganda.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-iGYFqci7IyY/Uk6ibM_2b6I/AAAAAAAAANw/q1C3M0_m3eY/s1600/PA010457.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="262" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-iGYFqci7IyY/Uk6ibM_2b6I/AAAAAAAAANw/q1C3M0_m3eY/s320/PA010457.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ronal was the baby of the home when I left... he is so old and mature now and his English is great!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-W1NRkognjFw/Uk6h_XErOHI/AAAAAAAAANo/obszTUMv08A/s1600/PA010460.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-W1NRkognjFw/Uk6h_XErOHI/AAAAAAAAANo/obszTUMv08A/s320/PA010460.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Shafik, who is almost taller than me now! At Ssenge boys' home.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span lang="EN-US"><span id="goog_961947648"></span><span id="goog_961947649"></span><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I have also found some of the same boys
still living on the streets whom I left four years ago, having treated many of
their gaping wounds and having spent many days and nights in the slums with
them. These reunions have broken my heart and have left me feeling impotent and
angry at the unfairness of this life. I found one, Joseph, a few weeks back,
and he is now taller than me, but his big brown (usually high) eyes and
tattered clothes haven’t changed a bit. He saw me and nearly tackled me with a
huge hug as he yelled “Nakyanzi!!!” (my Ugandan name). While I have been
living, loving, growing and changing these past four years, he has been in the
same slum, sniffing the same drugs, being brutally beaten by the same slum
residents and City Council (local police) members…. He hugged me with such hopefulness
in his eyes and surely thought I would be in the slums everyday like I was
before…. but I won’t be this time. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">Home
Life<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I am only here for 9 months, and I am
staying at Amanda’s home for 23 boys between the ages of 14 and 19. They are
now off the streets and back in school and overcoming addiction, etc. and have
made amazing turnarounds.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am trying to
invest most of my time at this home so as to plant roots in one place and have
a sustained presence (at least for 9 months) rather than being scattered about.
This means that I won’t be in the slums like I was before and that I have no
answers for the kids I know and love there. Our home is full and Amanda works
miracles to find enough money to keep it going each month as is. She is taking
some initial steps towards starting income-generating projects here (we will
soon have 100 chickens at home, for instance) but self-sustainability is a
long, long way off.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Meanwhile, questions of aid and
sustainability aside, I stand in awe each day of these boys that (thanks to the
sacrifices and funds of many families in the US, thanks to their own
determination, and thanks to the love and conviction of Amanda) are making
incredible strides towards turning their lives around. It is really amazing to
watch them each day and to know bits and pieces of the harrowing stories that
led them to the streets in the first place. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jt-o-J-qXpM/Uk6jBFUKMGI/AAAAAAAAAN4/-7siPcpOhdk/s1600/P9280430.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jt-o-J-qXpM/Uk6jBFUKMGI/AAAAAAAAAN4/-7siPcpOhdk/s320/P9280430.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jimmy, Richard, and Joseph sliding on the front porch during a rainstorm.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Each day the boys wake up and go to school
(most of them are in fourth grade, and they continue to study though they are
twice the size of most kids in their grade). The 5 boys that stay home are
waiting to start breeding and selling chickens to raise money for themselves to
get internships at garages to learn to become mechanics. While they wait for
this project to get off the ground, Amanda and I homeschool them in reading,
writing, and basic math. I’ve learned that I am a big fan of delegation and of
others doing the heavy lifting (ie Amanda starting the home after I merely
mentioned the country of Uganda to her), so it is a good chance for me to have
to do the slow work of teaching these boys to read, when there is no one to
delegate this task to. It is teaching me to foster a patience I did not know
that I possessed, as I go over the same letters each day with the boys and
delight in small victories, such as the long-awaited legibility of the lower
case “f” after two weeks of it looking like an “s”. I hope this patience can
stick with me for the long haul and spill over into many aspects of my life,
and I can’t wait to watch these boys read (hopefully!) in the near future.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-nv-EyN5sZUM/Uk6jeVDpbEI/AAAAAAAAAOA/urruojJzrf4/s1600/P9240402.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-nv-EyN5sZUM/Uk6jeVDpbEI/AAAAAAAAAOA/urruojJzrf4/s320/P9240402.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">English class with the boys who are more advanced at reading/writing.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">When the boys get home from school at
around 4 a group of us heads to the netball court (a sport played mostly by
women in Uganda that is like basketball, but you can’t move with the ball). I
happened upon the court one day while out with the boys looking for chicken
vendors and the women told me to come play. Since then I’ve been going
regularly and several of the boys have started playing as well (breaking down
their gender stereotypes slowly but surely!). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-a9MPqiX6VaM/Uk6rmbfgVOI/AAAAAAAAAOc/wXVvc59Xd9k/s1600/net.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-a9MPqiX6VaM/Uk6rmbfgVOI/AAAAAAAAAOc/wXVvc59Xd9k/s320/net.JPG" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Playing netball with some of the boys from the home.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">It is great to have found a space to share
with Ugandan woman and watch them have fun and enjoy this life that otherwise
seems so filled with arduous labor and second-class citizenship in a very
sexist national landscape. This dynamic of sexism and male power exertion was
demonstrated quite clearly the other day when the 35+ year old security guard
at the netball court kicked us all out and refused to let us continue playing
because the 15 year old girl he was hitting on at the court pulled her arm away
from his grasp and told him not to touch her. His response to being “shamed” by
her in public was to exert his power over all of us and kick us off of the
court… And so it goes….<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-MRfIBMYR4LM/Uk6q31doM0I/AAAAAAAAAOQ/EVZrX8Zbe4I/s1600/handball.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-MRfIBMYR4LM/Uk6q31doM0I/AAAAAAAAAOQ/EVZrX8Zbe4I/s320/handball.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Netball court at a nearby school.<br /><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /><br /><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">Each night Amanda, Uncle Steven (the
amazingly patient Ugandan house uncle who runs the show here) and I run
workshops and “devotions” with the boys. I am doing art-therapy type workshops,
similar to those that I did in prison in El Salvador. This has been a fruitful
space for discussion and self-expression thus far, though we are all pretty
tired by this point of the day and some days we’d all just rather sleep! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">More to come… thanks for reading!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Jenna Knapphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02893904041220232946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8244999278766982516.post-49217956534383865292013-09-27T23:05:00.003-07:002013-09-30T00:24:16.435-07:00P.S.Here's the website for the group I'm w/ currently... more in the next post on their mission and on my role here!<br />
<br />
<a href="http://lot2545.org/">lot2545.org</a><br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-FOZUkR-34EI/Ukkm2qcB5ZI/AAAAAAAAAL0/wwDkffW9kxQ/s1600/102.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-FOZUkR-34EI/Ukkm2qcB5ZI/AAAAAAAAAL0/wwDkffW9kxQ/s320/102.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Boys at home with Amanda, the home's founder, at one of the boys' birthday parties.<br />(I arrived several hours later from the US at 3am!)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />Jenna Knapphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02893904041220232946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8244999278766982516.post-91789792840662975062013-09-27T22:52:00.001-07:002013-09-29T23:57:31.649-07:00Back to Uganda<div class="MsoNormal">
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<span lang="EN-US">Before I graduated from college I decided
that I wanted to live in El Salvador for a few years and then spend time in
Uganda again. Three years later, I am sticking to this plan, as I promised many
people in Uganda that I would, indeed, come back. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">In my 3-year stay in El Salvador, I could
very clearly see the ways in which I continued to learn a great deal each year
both linguistically and experientially about the complexities and nuances of
Salvadoran culture, history, and current socio-political context. Looking back,
it is clear that after one year (and even after 3) I barely scratched the
surface and have much more to learn. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">Given this realization, I began to doubt my
decision to come back to Uganda for 9 months before (hopefully) going to grad
school in Peace Studies next fall. Was it worth it to just barely scratch the
surface again, given that my presence here would not be a sustainable one? Was
it selfish to invest myself here in the lives of 20 boys who have lived for
many years on the streets, knowing that I would soon pack up again and leave?
Was I wasting money on my plane ticket that could have otherwise been spent on
any number of sustainable peacebuilding projects? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I
got off of the plane in Uganda at 3am, these questions still had no answers.
However, when I reached the boys home where I will be staying (more on the home
in my next post!), several of the boys woke up at 4am to welcome me. One of
these boys was Joseph, a boy I had known 4 years ago in the slums when he was
still living on the streets. His face lit up when he saw me, and he gave me a
big hug. I began asking him how all of the other boys are that I knew. Most of
them are still on the streets, others he lost track of, and still others have
died. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Just as I was going to go to bed, he took
my hand and said “Webale kuddayo, Auntie Nakyanzi” (Thank you for coming back
Auntie Nakyanzi -that’s my Ugandan name-). There are many people in need of
accompaniment in this world and I will certainly continue to wrestle with questions
of sustainability/best investment of myself given the complexities of
race/nationality/privilege. However, in that moment, Joseph’s thank you was all
the affirmation I needed that right now, I am right where I need to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></span>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7JHNO3Es0k8/UkkgGlS9GoI/AAAAAAAAALY/rlPDuHS_Wls/s1600/P9120667.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7JHNO3Es0k8/UkkgGlS9GoI/AAAAAAAAALY/rlPDuHS_Wls/s320/P9120667.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Joseph at home on our front porch.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></span></div>
Jenna Knapphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02893904041220232946noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8244999278766982516.post-83520061628646239212013-09-27T22:51:00.000-07:002013-09-30T00:10:36.820-07:00A Glance Back Before Moving Forward...<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Greetings from Uganda!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m
realizing that it’s been nearly a year since I wrote on this blog—yikes! That
is quite unfortunate given the fact that there were countless stories to share
in my final 8 months in El Salvador. I got caught up working on the publication
of two books of poetry/artwork by the incarcerated youth I was working with,
and didn’t keep up on the blogging end of things. In any event, I will try to
be better about it this year in Uganda, as it is entirely selfish and a
disservice so many who share their stories and lives with me to keep them all
to myself. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Before delving into my first few weeks here
in Uganda, I want to share a reflection I wrote for CRISPAZ, the organization
that supported me as a long-term volunteer in El Salvador for the past 3 years.
While I generally failed at writing regularly, this gives a bit of an
inadequate summary of some of the lessons I learned in my time there. Read
ahead if you wish!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">CRISPAZ
(Christians for Peace in El Salvador) Long-Term Volunteer Reflection<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span lang="EN-US">I hesitate to
begin to write this article, because there is simply no way I can adequately sum
up three years of insights, heartbreak, relationships, and stories from my time
in El Salvador. I will give it a shot, however, with the hope that in a later
update I can post the link to the books of poetry by imprisoned youth that I am
currently working to translate. The books will provide a much more complete
picture of the lives of the youth I’ve spent the past three years accompanying.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">Jovenes
Constructores<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span lang="EN-US">Having spent time
in El Salvador as a high school and college student, I knew that I would want
to end up there after graduation. With a Fulbright scholarship and a subsequent
Crispaz long-term volunteer position, I began a three-year part-time internship
with Fundación Quetzalcoatl: Ideas y Acciones para la Paz, an associate of
Catholic Relief Services (CRS). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span lang="EN-US">Throughout the
majority of the internship I worked alongside program facilitators leading
youth groups in communities controlled by gangs and facilitating life
skills/violence prevention workshops through the Jóvenes Constructores (Youth
Build) program. This program began in the United States in 1978 and has since
spread to 20 countries world-over. The program focuses on training vulnerable
youth to become leaders in their communities through life skills and vocational
skills training.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At Quetzalcoatl I, too,
received training in various educational pedagogies that we utilized in our
workshops including movement-based education, popular education,
constructivism, and solutions-based systemic education. I also received
training in HATCH Teaching Methods for Opportunity Youth through Mockingbird
Education, which focuses on the importance of understanding cognition and
memory in order to design effective teaching methods.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In three years time I was able to accompany
over 300 youth through their six-month learning experiences. I learned an
incredible amount about the challenges that youth face in El Salvador because
of the layers of structural violence at play, which limit their opportunities
long before they are born.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I witnessed
the many ways in which the capitalist system and US influence in El Salvador
continue to exacerbate poverty and violence in a multitude of both visible and
invisible ways. Additionally, I learned a great deal about the workings of
non-profits that depend on international donor agencies for funding. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span lang="EN-US">Our organization,
Fundación Quetzalcoatl, was funded by Catholic Relief Services, and the
relationship was rocky, to say the very least, between CRS and our
under-staffed and over-worked team of inspiring individuals who were hired to
carry out the Jovenes Constructores project.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Throughout my time with Quetzalcoatl, I gained first hand insight into
the unrealistic demands of donor agencies, whose standards often come from
different countries and contexts and have not been appropriately adjusted to
the Salvadoran reality. I also witnessed a great deal of the corruption that
results when donor funds reach the hands of the desperately impoverished as
well the self-righteous and greedy. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">Proyecto
Cuentame<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span lang="EN-US">While with
Quetzalcoatl, I became acutely aware of the lack of opportunities for
incarcerated, and formally incarcerated youth. USAID restrictions on donor
funds prohibits that formally incarcerated youth participate in our violence
prevention/vocational skills training programs. This policy is
counter-intuitive, to say the least, but goes to show the ways in which youth
caught up in the justice system have even fewer chances for success in a
country that marginalizes and fears them (as do its “peacebuilding” donors).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span lang="EN-US">Having glimpsed
the ways in which incarcerated youth are stereotyped, misunderstood, and
generally abandoned, I decided to co-found Proyecto Cuentame, a creative
writing initiative based on self-exploration, critical thinking, and
humanization of the incarcerated population. I co-founded the initiative with
fellow Crispaz volunteer, Maria Hoisington.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span lang="EN-US">In essence, through
Proyecto Cuentame, I spent two and a half years in two juvenile detention
centers practicing empathetic listening and creating space in my heart for over
100 young people’s stories and confessions, long silenced by fear and rejection.
Through this process of accompaniment and documentation, I learned more about
the complexity of gang culture, violent trauma, and redemptive love than I had
ever imagined.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I co-published two
volumes of the incarcerated young men and women’s writings and artwork, which
have been made available to youth, schoolteachers, government officials, NGOs,
and judges alike. They serve as tools for violence prevention and relay a cry
for a deeper understanding of the “delinquent” youth whom the current justice
system dehumanizes and re-victimizes. They are the building blocks for the
restorative justice program I hope to start one day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span lang="EN-US">As I stayed in
touch with youth who had been released from prisons, I merely waited for all
too familiar patterns as their fear-filled, liminal existence so often ended in
either their violent deaths or their abrupt, unfounded arrests. It is
ultimately for these youth that I plan to pursue a Master’s degree in Peace
Studies with a focus on conflict analysis and transformation in order to expand
my knowledge of this field. After all, in countries like El Salvador,
characterized by decades of polarization and accumulated social trauma, unless
there is a dramatic shift towards restoration of right relationship, youth’s
lives will continue to be defined by violent crime and tragic deaths long after
“peace treaties” have been signed. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">Colonia
Dolores Medina<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Throughout
my three years in El Salvador, my lifeline was undoubtedly the community,
Dolores Medina, in which I lived and shared every night after long, exhausting
days. I lived with two remarkable women and their three children and became
close to every one of the 40 families that make up the former refugee
community. As a member of this community, I was exposed to the reality of
abject poverty, when dollars simply don’t add up to put food on the table. I
bore witness to the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">machismo</i> that
plays out inter-generationally, the failure of the healthcare system to attend
to sick children and adults, the violent deaths of ostracized youth… the list
goes on and on. I also experienced the daily joys of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">still being alive</i>... of playing soccer with a women’s team, attending
prayer services with relentlessly faithful women, putting on community
celebrations with our youth group for Mother’s Day, Christmas….. this list,
too, goes on and on.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Just as I was preparing to leave El
Salvador, grace worked in such a way that I was able to start a college
scholarship program for youth in Dolores Medina, thanks to generous donors of
both money and time in the US and El Salvador. This program, Nueva Esperanza
will begin in January, 2014 with its first 4 students, who will be pursuing
technical degrees in various fields.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
program couples supporting youth in one’s home community with the pursuit of
higher education. Ideally it will be a pilot program that expands to include
more aspiring students, since opportunities for higher education in El Salvador
are scarce, to say the least. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I thank all who support Crispaz for
making it possible for me to spend the past three years learning a great deal
and sharing in the lives many Salvadorans.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I can assure you that my volunteer experience was not in vain, as my
life of accompaniment and work in the field of peacebuilding is just beginning.
<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-l4CHRfACsAU/UkkjPdBi2UI/AAAAAAAAALo/zofyj83UgLg/s1600/DSC04115.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-l4CHRfACsAU/UkkjPdBi2UI/AAAAAAAAALo/zofyj83UgLg/s320/DSC04115.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Youth from Calle Real on a camping trip excursion in 2011.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
Jenna Knapphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02893904041220232946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8244999278766982516.post-41217516378442215362012-11-12T17:54:00.002-08:002012-11-22T09:19:12.217-08:00Rehabilitation or Dehumanization?<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Hello! I hope this
blog post finds you well wherever you might be.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I wanted to
share an experience that happened recently to a family in my community, as it
illustrates the way in which prisoners´ lives here in El Salvador (and world
over I would argue) are marked by dehumanization and neglect rather than
rehabilitation and transformation. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Five of my
dearest friends in my community have been waiting for 6 long years for their
father (I´ll call him Hector) to be released from prison. Hector worked at a
mechanic shop and was locked up for working on stolen cars. The details remain
quite blurry as to whether or not he was aware that he was working on stolen
cars, but since he could not afford a lawyer, he was sentenced to 7 years in
prison. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Hector
began his sentence in a prison designed for 2,000 inmates which is “home” to
more than 8,000 men. Prisoners sleep on the floor and constantly suffer from
fungal skin diseases as well as malnourishment and abuse from fellow inmates. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Legally, prisoners
have to be assigned a social worker, a psychologist, and a legal advisor. However,
as the number of detained persons here has skyrocketed, the number of staff
working in each prison has remained the same, leaving startling ratios of staff
to inmates. In Hector´s prison, there is one social worker and one psychologist
assigned to 2,000 inmates. Since it is impossible to provide professional
attention to so many individuals on a regular basis, the majority of inmates
have never met once with any professional staff member.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Hector was
given a psychological exam shortly after being imprisoned 6 years ago. The
results characterize him as a violent person who neither works nor studies in
order to make the most of his time in prison. This is not surprising given that
imprisonment in itself produces depression and violent behavior in individuals
who have been uprooted from their communities and (justly or unjustly) forced
to face any number of years in places that must look just like hell, should
hell exist. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">In the last
5 years of his imprisonment, Hector has dedicated his time in prison to
woodshop. He constantly makes tables, mirrors, benches, and picture frames for
his wife and 9 children to sell. Since his wife makes 3 dollars a day on a good
day selling his wares at the market, his children have been forced to drop out
of school because they can hardly afford food, much less schooling. Hector
began to study for a time in prison, but he dropped out because he would
frequently faint from hunger in class.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Though he
has a 7 year sentence, the judge gave he and his family hope that he would be able
to get out on parole after 6 years. Since last Monday was his long awaited
follow up court case, his family spent all weekend cleaning their small home
preparing for his arrival. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">When the
day finally arrived to go to court, his children and grandchildren waited
anxiously to see him. He was brought into the courtroom, handcuffed and chained
at his feet. The judge proceeded to tell him that his psychological report
(which was taken 5 years ago) declared that he was a violent individual who
neither worked nor studied and was thus not apt to reenter society. The same psychological
report has been used repeatedly as grounds for his continued imprisonment,
though he has never had a follow up exam. His wife yelled out through her tears
that he works, and that she sells his woodwork, but the judge wouldn´t believe
her since she didn´t have “proof”. No one in the prison system had thought to
write on his record that he has been working in woodshop for the past 5 years.
He is another number. Another offender. Another criminal unworthy of living his
life. He will be released, at best, 1 year after his sentence is completed,
since the justice system is so backlogged here that inmates often wait at least
a year after their sentence to finally be released. This is the cherry on top
of the psychological torture that is long term imprisonment. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Hector´s
children, wife, and grandchildren walked up to meet him, crying after the trial
and were told by the guards that they were not allowed to touch him. They
couldn´t believe how skinny, grey haired, and worn he looked. Hector managed to
hold back his tears and ask the names of the five grandchildren he was meeting
for the first time. They asked him innocently why he was tied up by his hands
and his feet and he responded that he played in the street too much (their most
frequent offense as small children). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">He was
quickly led back to his holding cell where his wife got in line to leave food
for him. The guards revise the food and eat anything they wish to eat
(generally all of the meat left for inmates) before passing it along to them.
When Hector´s food reached him, the guards refused to take off his handcuffs,
and he was forced to eat with his mouth, kneeling on the ground as if he were a
dog. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Prison, in
theory, is a place for rehabilitation. It is supposed to serve to prevent recidivism.
Hector receives no psychological attention and no character evaluations. He was
not allowed to touch his children or grandchildren. He ate handcuffed on the
ground like a dog. Rehabilitation? Transformation? Prison here (and most
everywhere) serves to break the human spirit by inflicting people to a life of
constant humiliation. Inmates are deemed criminals. Period. Black and white. We
are the good guys, they are the bad guys. Yet these individuals were almost
certainly victims far before they were perpetrators. They almost certainly were
plucked out of marginalized communities that we prefer to drive through with our
doors locked and our music blaring, so as not to enter their world even in our
imagination, much less with open, compassionate hearts willing to invest our
lives in the struggle to end this segregation and incessant incarceration. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">As Hector´s
family trudged back to the bus stop to head back to the home they had again
cleaned with high hopes only to have them dashed, his youngest grandchild Paty tugged
at his wife´s sleeve. She set her big brown inquisitive eyes on her grandma and
with the heartbreaking innocence that only a 3 year old can muster she asked in
a timid voice, “Grandma, did they kill grandpa yet?” Hector´s wife broke down sobbing.
In the logical mind of this 3 year old, if a man with an assault weapon escorts
your grandfather away from you, chained by the hands and feet, he is going to
kill him. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Though Hector´s
wife tearfully responded that no, they were not going to kill her grandfather,
she likely wondered if Paty had discovered the secret of mass incarceration
here in El Salvador. In many ways, these years of dehumanization have already
killed him. They have killed his hopeful spirit, as well as those of many who
love him and continue to wait for his return. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">If you have
a moment, volunteer in a prison near you! You will find similar stories that
will surely break your heart and call into question the practice of imprisonment
that many take for granted as just and necessary. If you are interested in learning more about
prison reform/abolition I recommend you read <i>Are Prisons Obsolete?</i> By Angela Y. Davis. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
Jenna Knapphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02893904041220232946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8244999278766982516.post-51649337428698881822012-10-29T17:55:00.003-07:002012-11-22T09:19:54.244-08:00Tuesdays<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Hello!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Below I´ve posted a poem I wrote recently that attempts to describe my Tuesdays at the male youth detention center in a way that prose just can´t. Enjoy!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i><span lang="EN-US">Tuesdays<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Only their plastic kites</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">manage to escape</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">the confines of infinity</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">where their youthful spirits</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">live trapped in a mud-coated hell</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Where I write their words</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">but not my own</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">listen to their hearts</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">but rarely my own</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">and bathe them in a love</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">that is not my own.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">It comes some days </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">overflowing</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">from God </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">knows where</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">and others it is all dried up</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">but mostly</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">it is always there</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">at least subtly</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">soothing sages</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">who long to be heard</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">though it can offer</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">little hope,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">just a gaze</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">that has never seen them </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">slice or shoot</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">and thus embraces </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">their tired eyes in a tenderness </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">that on a good day</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">transcends the surrounding filth</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">in moments that will stay</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">at least with me</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">until my mind </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">quits remembering. </span></div>
Jenna Knapphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02893904041220232946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8244999278766982516.post-45328802012173940962012-10-16T17:19:00.001-07:002012-10-16T17:19:16.584-07:00Orchestra Behind Bars <style>@font-face {
font-family: "Times New Roman";
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve been meaning to write for quite some time about a
beautiful experiment that took place several weeks ago in the young women’s
detention center where I do poetry workshops. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
On July 30<sup>th</sup> there was a revolt within the
Center, which nearly resulted in the violent deaths of an entire sector of
girls affiliated with a certain gang. Luckily the police were able to intervene
in time, but the result has been an unprecedented division between inmates.
Whereas for the past 5 years the girls have studied together, gone to workshops
together, and eaten together in the Center regardless of gang affiliation, they
have now been divided such that they have no contact at all. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now, slightly less than half of the population is stuck in a
corner of the Center where they have no outdoor space and thus never feel the
sun’s rays. The girls have expressed that they feel more incarcerated than ever
before and that they cannot stand the thought of being cooped up in this tiny
space for so many years.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span> </span>While the
incident was certainly not one to be taken lightly, I still can’t help but see
the decision to separate the girls as a huge step backwards. It seems like a
cop-out of sorts, resorting to the all too familiar habit in El Salvador of
creating yet another division and deeming impossible attempts at dialogue,
peace-keeping circles, negotiations, and creative attempts to construct
peaceful coexistence. However, since there never seem to be adequate funds,
personnel, or peacebuilding training to think outside of the box, the decision
has been made and seems to be irreversible. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span> </span>It is into this
quite hostile context that 3 passionate, energetic orchestra instructors from
Chile and Argentina (who had no idea of the pre-existing conflict and recent
division) came onto the scene. They had received a donation to purchase 30
cellos, violas, and violins to teach an intensive 2-week music coarse in the
Center. I was extremely skeptical of such a short-term initiative, but sure
enough, 25 girls were reunited for the first time since the division as they
took up an instrument for the first time in their lives and practiced
rigorously without a single outbreak of conflict between them.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When the day came to bring the girls to an auditorium to
perform together with the youth symphonic orchestra of El Salvador, the
excitement in the Center was electric (literally). All of the girls were
straightening their hair and dressing to impress for the big event, when the
Center’s director came in to announce that not all of the girls would be
allowed to participate in the concert. For “poor behavior” several of their
judges had sent a last minute fax informing that 7 of the girls would not be
allowed to perform. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As I watched tears roll down the faces of the girls who were
forced to stay behind, I couldn’t help but think that this is the exact
opposite of what a “rehabilitation center” should do. This would likely be the
only chance these girls will get to perform on a stage in their lives, so to
take this away from them at the last minute after their dedicated commitment
for two weeks seemed ridiculous at best.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One of the girls who was most devastated by the news burst
into sobs because she had worked so hard for two weeks in vain, and her friends
had promised to go see her perform. Her prison sentence ends in November of
this year, and I can’t help but think that it was simply the judge’s last
chance to screw her over while she is still under his control. The punitive
system is so focused on punishment while personal/emotional development, trauma
therapy, and affirmations are rarely part of the picture. Given that </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Disappointments aside, the concert was absolutely beautiful.
I couldn’t help but cry as I watched the girls stand up on stage and play the
few songs they had learned with such pride. I have loved these girls so deeply
for the past two years, and their stories and secrets have moved and shaped me
in a thousand ways.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span> </span>It was
overwhelmingly beautiful to see them standing gracefully on stage, outside of
the detention center walls, even if just for a fleeting moment. I feel so
blessed to be able to share in some small way in their lives. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To know and love them for who they are becoming and who they
have been.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To know them as human beings with deep scars, dark secrets,
and softly spoken dreams. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To have the chance to know with certainty that despite
popular consent, each one of them is so much more than just another delinquent
youth who deserves what she gets.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As I scanned their faces I thought of all of the tremendous
situations they have been forced to live in their short lives and was startled
by their resilience and beauty, though they (we) have certainly caused their
fair share of harm. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As they were handcuffed and lead off of stage, I run up to
hug them and gift them each a rose. It wasn’t until later that I realized that
one of the only parents that had made it to the event (it was late at night in
an inaccessible part of the city by public transportation) was told he was not
allowed to hug his daughter for security reasons. Good thing I didn’t ask
questions. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The government’s cultural department did of course fail to
contract music teachers to carry on the course beyond the 2-week initiative, so
my friend is working her contacts to try to ensure some sort of follow up.
However, in spite of its shortcomings, this program thoroughly impressed me. It
goes to show what can happen when passionate teachers who pay more attention to
the magic of music than to stereotypes and fear are united with girls whose
desire to learn and to succeed far overrides their conflictive tendencies.</div>
Jenna Knapphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02893904041220232946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8244999278766982516.post-46053640946141115212012-09-01T13:33:00.001-07:002012-09-01T13:33:04.735-07:00Back to reality...<br />
<br />
<br />
I’ve been back for two weeks now and in just two weeks have managed to be floored again and again by the lives of the youth I work with in prisons.
It has been a sobering and heartwarming homecoming to return to the prisons here. I have re-encountered the same youth that I left two months ago, exactly where I left them, with yet more of their young lives swallowed away by the same 4 walls, the same faces, the same mindless routine.<br />
<br />
They’ve welcomed me back into their cells and their hearts and have given me an even closer look at the fury, fear, resentment, and longing for love that reside there and struggle for power each long day locked up.
The more I work with these young people, especially with incarcerated males (who have much grimmer prospects of “making it” based on the politics of repression and elimination that are practiced by “anti-gang” squads here), the more I am enraged and saddened by the fact that most of them will simply not make it.<br />
<br />
The youth who manage to get out of jail whom I’ve kept up with and who have genuine interest in turning their lives around end up simply running for their lives each day. Ironically enough, this is not primarily because rival gang members will kill them (thought that is a very real threat), but because the police force will do so first.
If the police do not manage to “disappear” these youth coming out of detention centers, they will detain them upon spotting them in the street (or drag them from their homes in the middle of the night) and pin them with any crime that has happened within a credible radius. These youth will then be sent off (likely without fair trial) to spend 30+ years in the hellholes that are the overflowing adult prisons here.<br />
<br />
I wish I were exaggerating, yet this has been the story of even the most studious and driven young gang members that I have met in this ministry thus far.<br />
<br />
Loving and working with these youth means answering their startled phone calls telling me that the police opened fired on them for no reason at all, and that they barely escaped the bullet-spray. It means listening to their whispered fears that as soon as they get out of jail to finally live with their young wives and infants they are terrified that the police will pull them out of their beds at night and take them far away from the children they’ve so longed to love in a way they were never, ever loved. It means watching them grimace, lost for words, while describing the way they’ve witnessed slow deaths, wishing I could erase it all and rewrite the whole script. It means giving them constant affirmation, because it just might be the first time they’ve ever heard anything of the sort.<br />
<br />
Blog entries are probably supposed to end on some upbeat quote like Disney movies, but many of these young lives end on no such note. I just ask that you find them and love them in cities near you and listen to their lessons and longings.
Jenna Knapphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02893904041220232946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8244999278766982516.post-80356781209035926092012-09-01T12:31:00.001-07:002012-09-01T12:36:26.964-07:00An entry I wrote a month ago and am just now publishing here... :)Hello friends, family, and Crispaz supporters.
(disclaimer: for some reason this won't let me put spaces between paragraphs sorry for this one long paragraph...) I hope this finds you well, wherever you are! I just wanted to write a quick update about the work I continue to do with Crispaz’s generous support.
These past few months have been a whirlwind, hence the lack of blog entries, but they have been quite full of activity.
As Maria explained, we have been working with male youth in a detention center doing art therapy workshops, and we have also been working with amazing young women a minor’s detention center in Ilopango. The young women we work with are so full of life and dreams yet most of them serve 5 to 15 year sentences for crimes they may or may not have committed. Since the maximum sentence for minors was raised from 7 to 15 years, youth coming into the centers are even more overwhelmed and have less motivation to “change” knowing that they will be living so many years within the same walls.
Our work consists mostly in one-on-one sessions with about 30 of the women in the center, where we listen to their fears, secrets, aspirations, and often unspeakable pasts and simply write as they speak. Through this simple exercise the girls realize that they are already poets and that they speak of a wisdom that comes from lessons learned in the streets, one that has everything to do with a gritty reality far different than that which scholars paint with their prose.
Having done this exercise repeatedly for a year and a half with the majority of the women in the center, we can see that the culture of the center in itself is beginning to change slightly. Girls come to us with 10 poems that they’ve written on their own, wanting us to type them and give them back to them for their portfolios.
They tell me things like “I was so sad one night I did not even want to exist, but there was a tiny ray of light shining onto my bunk bed so I got out my pen and began to write. Here’s what I came up with, I don’t know if it’s any good…” And inevitably the ensuing words speak of doubts, insecurities, hardship, and a longing for a God that they perhaps have yet to feel fill the spaces of neglect and abuse these women have suffered for years.
Others will tell me, “I was bored to death in computer class because all we do is play solitaire, so instead I wrote these poems, I don’t know if they’re any good…” And again their words shock me as they reveal themselves as the poets they have always been, yet perhaps are finally expressing for the first time.
At times this work can be exhausting, overwhelming, and can seem like such a tiny drop in the bucket of ignorance, abuse, and discrimination that plague these women’s lives, yet there are always rays of hope that illuminate our work in the Center. Recently as I was leaving, one of the young women who I have come to love as if she were a long-lost sister of mine told me “You know, I barely know you, but I feel that you are one of those people who has really marked my life, because you’ve helped me to discover who I really am.”
Her words floored and humbled me, and I left with such a feeling of gratitude. Despite the multitude of setbacks and despair we encounter in our work, if I can facilitate others’ discovery of their true selves, their loving, well-intentioned, God-like selves, this work is well worth the effort.
Jenna Knapphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02893904041220232946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8244999278766982516.post-37843089228996692352012-04-04T15:59:00.000-07:002012-04-04T15:59:18.169-07:00happy Holy Week!Hello family and friends,<br />
<br />
Again it has been some time and I will not make this update long, but I just wanted to thank you for your support and prayers and let you know that I am still alive and well here in El Salvador. <br />
<br />
This spring has been packed with work and visitors and I was blessed last week with the visit of a Brebeuf delegation from my high school. We were lucky enough to be allowed to enter the male youth detention center where I have invested much of my spirit, energy, and love in the past few months through art therapy workshops, and it was amazing to get to see these two worlds collide.<br />
<br />
Fear and barriers washed away as we did icebreakers and had small discussions all morning and by the end, kids with their whole faces tattooed were now friends and no longer the dehumanized “other.” I hope to continue to be able to create these spaces of exchange, as to foment the destruction of unfounded prejudices and plant the seeds for questioning the punitive justice system that serves to destroy the spirit and most relationships rather than rehabilitate it in any way. <br />
<br />
The students from the Brebeuf group left motivated to work in prisons back at home to find out what is really happening in these places near you that are intentionally (and profitably now that they are privatized) kept out of sight and out of mind of “law abiding citizens”. <br />
<br />
There are many forces here that do not want this rehabilitative work to continue, and this has become quite clear in the past two weeks. However, I remember somewhere hearing that we are probably not doing Christ’s work until we are persecuted and falsely accused, so I just take the efforts to stop our work as motivational signs that we are indeed living out the uncomfortable, nonconformist gospel that we are each called to live. <br />
<br />
Until I am kicked out of detention centers I will continue visiting them and discovering the wealth of wisdom and grace that is trapped behind bars, a myriad of tattoos and a flimsy wall of toughness and self-protection. <br />
<br />
I am eternally grateful to the incarcerated youth who continue to illuminate my days here with wisdom and a great respect for their resilience against all odds.<br />
<br />
A month ago we published a book of a year’s worth of the young women’s poetry whom we have been working with and it has been such a gift to share these pieces of their soul with others here. It is an amazing tool towards breaking down prejudice and at the book’s presentation in the girl’s center the most strict judge of all cried as one of the girls tearfully presented the poem “Your terrible daughter.” We are chiseling into the soul of things here which goes far beyond political banter and lies the media likes to spit out about youth these days. <br />
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We hope to translate the book soon and I will post it here as soon as we do.<br />
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I hope this finds you all well in this Holy Week, being light in whatever corner of the world where this may find you and chiseling into the soul of whatever issues and communities may surround you so as to connect with those around you in all of their humanness and brokenness. May we continue to go to the margins this Easter season and sit there until we learn to be light.Jenna Knapphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02893904041220232946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8244999278766982516.post-56528731860054654842012-01-24T10:37:00.000-08:002012-01-24T10:37:16.626-08:00Following up on the story of “Jose,” I was able to go visit he and another young man who was also released in their hometown. Maria and I rode out to visit them on a particularly hot and prolonged busride, that was certainly worth it to see these young men and let them know that we care for them and want to be supports for them in this transition.<br />
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We got off the bus and saw both of them walking towards us, dressed in their Sunday’s best and grinning from ear to ear. It is also so amazing to finally see inmates outside of jail, to see them walking freely and looking like they’ve put on a tiny bit of the weight they always loose because of the conditions in the centers. <br />
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We embraced them both and they told us that they couldn’t believe we’d actually come to visit them, that even as we’d been in touch on the way there they hadn’t believed us. We walked to the center of the town where there is an old colonial church and they gave us a tour (it was the first time they had ever been inside of it) and we then sat and caught up with them on the park benches in front of the church eating snow cones. <br />
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I had wanted to read Jose a poem that one of the incarcerated woman I work with had written, because it resonates with much of what Jose had expressed to me, so as we caught up on this sunny day I began to read her poem to him so that he would know he was not alone in his feelings of exclusion and his hopes for a changed life<br />
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I read:<br />
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Advice<br />
By a 17 year old incarcerated youth<br />
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For society:<br />
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That they will stop seeing us for our errors and for the crimes we have committed, and that they will stop discriminating us because we deserve the chance to show them that we have changed.<br />
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Instead of only criticizing us, that they will offer us solutions and support to be able to change our way of living.<br />
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That people will not see us merely for the bad we have done but for the good that we have achieved and for the better people we want to become in the future.<br />
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For the police:<br />
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That they stop being such assholes.<br />
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That they will not focus only on what we do to justify beating us savagely.<br />
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That they will realize that their own children could turn out to be even worse then us and that they might reflect on this before beating us so brutishly.<br />
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For the president:<br />
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That he change the law that can lock up minors for 15 years because rather than helping us this brings us many more problems.<br />
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For all adolescents:<br />
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That you will think things through before acting and think about the consequences that your actions can bring, because every error we commit in this life we will pay at face value.<br />
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That you will know how to listen to your family’s advice because they are the only ones who are with you when you are in the hospital or in jail.<br />
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For God:<br />
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That you will have just a bit more mercy on us…<br />
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As the cruel irony of life would have it, just as I spoke these words an undercover cop dressed as a soccer dad grabbed both of these youth and told them to lift up their shirts, he took them out of earshot and told them that they weren’t allowed in the park, that he had orders from his superior not to let any gang members in the park. He recognized them both and asked when they had gotten out of jail, and told them that had they not been with us they would have been kicked out of the park “a vergazos” (by beating the shit out of them) and likely sent to a holding center to be possibly sent to Santa Ana, the adult male prison. He told them he never wanted to see them there again and that they should leave immediately.<br />
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I never did finish her poem (which goes on to address abusive men, nature, her deceased father brother and father, and me), and if God does indeed show a bit more mercy, it certainly is not reflected in us, God’s hands on this earth, because the law enforcement bodies and this whole society in general has created a hell on earth where one is never included, not even allowed to eat snowcones on a park bench in front of God’s supposed house. <br />
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I was infuriated and the boys just dropped their heads and said that we’d leave. They were so embarrassed and just kept repeating to us, now do you understand? We’ll never belong. They have been ordered by the court to go back to school, but the school is right by this park so they will likely be picked up on the way to school and charged with any crime the police desire (resistance to authority, etc.) in order to be sent back to jail. As Jose put it, it’s their word against ours and ours values nothing.<br />
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If this is the welcome we give to youth who have spent 3 years in a living hell and genuinely want to “calmarse” and give up gang activity, we are pushing them right back into the only group that has ever accepted them, that of violent crime and street brotherhood. What else can we expect from them? To what extent are we all accountable for these crimes that they spend their whole lives serving time for? The punitive system has no space for community culpability, but most of these youth have never been integrated, much less reintegrated into this dysfunctional society.Jenna Knapphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02893904041220232946noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8244999278766982516.post-81007162989907467552011-12-22T07:19:00.001-08:002011-12-22T07:19:52.456-08:00Planting ApplesHello friends and family,<br />
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Again it has been a rather long pause and there is so much that happens here in each of my days that deserves to be documented and shared, but as always I get so caught up in living here that I never find the time to get to my friends house to steal her computer and update blog entries taking advantage of the fact that she has internet.<br />
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As usual there are unbelievable levels of violence in this country, more so because it is December and there’s always a spike in crime. There are 12 homicides a day on average in this country smaller than most states in the US. On Tuesday night I got home from our end of the year holiday dinner only to find out that there had been a shootout right in front of my house between the police and a man that was running from them for having been caught robbing. Ironically, this happened when the mayor, prospective mayor, and all of their friends were around because they were inaugurating a monument in the roundabout in front of my community. There were hundreds of children outside to see the fireworks for the inauguration, as well. Luckily no one was injured but everyone ran for cover and needless to say, the mayor and prospective neighbor didn’t stick around for long. <br />
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Since he has been incapable of providing anything but continued repression and criminalization of youth, it is no wonder these things happen all over his district. For once he got a taste of it out side of his sheltered politician’s life. Ironically enough, the inauguration was at the site of another one of his great failures, where Walmart has butchered one of the only remaining forests in the district in order to construct a huge shopping center that will put all local vendors out of work and greatly increase flooding in the region when rainy seasons come. However, since Walmart representatives made sure to paint a few schools and appease the masses with Christmas toys this season, the population is largely accepting of their arrival because a divided and ignorant people are always in the best interest of these huge multinational businesses that will soon be profiting off of their heightened poverty.<br />
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While this violence exists all around me, it is my time spent in prisons that has really allowed me to come face to face with this reality and sit in wonder at its complexity. Several weeks ago Maria (fellow Crispaz volunteer) and I did our first pilot project of art therapy in a male minor’s prison and I was brought face to face with 20 youth with an overwhelming capacity for sincerity, beauty, destruction, and cruelty. It would take me a lifetime to write about all of the lessons they taught me in just a week’s time, but I will try to reflect on a few of them.<br />
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When we passed the military revision and entered the prison, I was greeted by all of the stereotypical images… men covered in tattoos all over their bodies, reaching out to us through the bars to talk to us and proceeding to bark and whistle at us once we had passed. Despite this reception I didn’t feel nervous at all, just excited, about beginning to work with this population, because after working with incarcerated young women for a year I know that I can never, ever judge a book by its cover. <br />
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We worked with 20 youth between the ages of 16 and 22 throughout the week doing icebreakers and ridiculous games, meditations, yoga, paintings, and trying to provide a space where they could wake up their creativity. They were able to get out of the mindset that art has to be perfect, and into a realm of self-expression through the process of art’s creation that was really amazing to witness. We painted with background music, with our eyes closed, with our left hands, silently in groups…. and opened up a safe space in the middle of an otherwise empty and harsh environment. Every day the youth thanked us profusely for coming to spend time with them, and for accepting them as they are without judging them and fearing them. <br />
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As I sat with these youth I couldn’t help but think that so many of them will likely be killed when they get out. This isn’t the work where you can promise people that everything will be ok, that God will provide. If these youth are able to change while being locked up (unlikely given that they are not “recapacitated” in any way, as the center’s name insinuates, rather they are kept out of sight and out of mind of a society that, on average, would rather they cease to exist) they still get out to a context that has not changed. They will not be able to find work because of their tattoos, they will always be feared and discriminated against and their gangs will likely pull them back into the only space that still accepts them, active gang membership. When I spoke with one youth that told me he would certainly get out and continue being an active member, he explained to me that if he does not, he won’ t know what’s going on and he’ll likely be killed even more quickly. But if he’s in the “jugada” (game), he can at least know when to look out, so as not to leave his 2 year old daughter orphaned.<br />
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Many of these youth regret having made certain decisions as 5, 8,11, 12 year olds that have now affected their whole lives. These decisions were more often than not made out of spaces of neglect and violence, though not every youth in these circumstances decides to join the gang. Rather than continuing to ramble, I will close with a little excerpt from one of the youth in our workshop, “Jose.”<br />
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“I know what awaits me, death or the jail cell. I have sinned far too much. If I have planted lemons my whole life, how can I expect to harvest apples? If I want to harvest apples, I have to plant them. Honestly, this has to be a secret, do you want me to tell you what the gang has brought me? Nothing. They offer me nothing. When you’re outside you think your homeboys are everything, but once you’re locked up you realize family is all we have. Yet when we get out we can’t live with them again because others will kill them to make us hurt. And we do hurt. People see our tattoos and think that we’re the shit, that we don’t feel. If you pinch me, it will hurt me just like it’ll hurt you if I pinch you. People see us as assassins, delinquents, troubled youth. Most people would have liked to see me dead by now. But we feel, we have hearts that hurt and long to love freely. Some days I wish I had never been born. Or I think that when I’ll get out I’ll just lift up my shirt for the contrary gang to kill me and get it over with. But you, I promise that I will care for you from above, so that no harm ever comes your way.”<br />
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2 weeks later<br />
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I have 8 missed calls on my phone and I know it must be him. <br />
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I bet my brother 10 bucks that it’s him and call the number back. <br />
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“Jenny! I got out this morning! I’m on the bus with my mom going to court so that they can give me my restrictions. Please take care.”<br />
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I couldn’t congratulate him enough. Just before my phone minutes ran out I made sure to remind him to start planting apples.<br />
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When he doesn’t call, I wonder anxiously if he’s still here, or if he’s already watching me from above. I have no way of ever knowing.Jenna Knapphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02893904041220232946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8244999278766982516.post-4869925603662215432011-11-01T08:38:00.000-07:002011-11-01T08:38:36.950-07:00Most violent country in the world...Hello!<br />
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This past week the Crispaz board was in the country, and though I did not get to share as much time with them as I would have liked to, I do want to express my gratitude for their continued support of my work and life here in El Salvador. One of the board members asked particularly that I write more so as to be able to stay in touch with the reality here, so I´m writing for her and others who desire to stay up to date on what is going on here.<br />
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About a week ago, the United Nations named El Salvador the most violent country in the world as far as violent crimes per capita. This weekend, 46 people were killed in less than 72 hours. According to the UN study, there have been more violent deaths in El Salvador than in Iraq between the years of 2004 and 2009, the heart of the US offensive in Iraq. <br />
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These numbers startle me and leave me feeling at a loss. I work here in violence prevention but there seem to be so few working in this area and we are up against such an entrenched network of violence here in El Salvador that so often is chalked up to "delinquent activity" but has roots in those with wealth and power who will never have to serve prison time for these crimes. The scene here is unbelievably complex and the people here, by and large, respond with "the situation is really awful, all we have is God" which at first seems very wise and grace filled, but is also an exuse for inaction and resignation to the way things are.<br />
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This coming year in January we will be starting a new violence prevention initiative in San Marcos, a very violent sector of the country, in hopes to pilot a new project with the goals of creating youth leaders in violence prevention and community development. We have been planning this project for months now and it is quite tricky, seeing as how we have to first get permission from the gang to operate in the area, then from the police and from the mayor´s office. However, since the Anti-gang law was passed last year, it is illegal to work with a group of gang members here in any capacity. Thus, if we accept youth that are in any way connected to the gang´s activities (the majority of youth in the area), the police have informed us that they would have the obligation to arrest us for "agrupaciones ilicitas" (the meeting of ilicit groups). <br />
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We are trying to work within loopholes of this law as we plan for next year, but it is infuriating to me that given the startling amount of violence here, it is prohibited to work on any rehabiliation initiatives with those involved with gangs (even those who are not official members). The same goes for prison work and for those who wish to aid the transition of prisoners back into a society that has never accepted them and is far from willing to do so now.<br />
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In working in the girls prison with young women who have a million dreams for their future, I often lose hope knowing that they will never be given jobs in this country since they have tatoos, and they will not be given the chance to partake in rehabilitation programs because it is against the law. Even if they have changed, this society and its governance has not changed in its views towards them as the root of all problems (rather than a symptom of a disfunctional economic/political system which excludes youth and offers them no opportunites for development). Thus, they will inevitably end up choosing the path familiar to them, the path of the streets, when they are repeatededly denied the chance to gain an honest living because their past has marked them irrevocably. <br />
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Within this extremely frustrating paradigm, there are still a few of us working day by day to listen to and validate the experiences of these youth who struggle to turn their lives around, as well as those who are teetering on the edge of giving into the gangs and their appeal of belonging and permanent financial stability. On a very small, relational scale, I see advances every day that I take the time to accompany and listen to these voices, which I will share with you in future entries. At the same time, however, I am continued to be overwhelmed by my smallness in the midst of this system that resists this type of non-judgemental accompaniment and quest for sustainable transformation.<br />
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Those are some thoughts for today... I will try to keep this updated even if I can only write a few uncompleted thoughts at a time. I hope you are all well and I miss you!Jenna Knapphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02893904041220232946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8244999278766982516.post-37327748794812120162011-10-04T11:29:00.000-07:002011-10-04T11:29:37.750-07:00Crispaz VolunteerHello friends!<br />
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After a long hiatus, I am now going to get back into the swing of updating my blog and sharing the many rich experiences this life rewards me with any and all who wish to listen. <br />
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Having finished my allotted grant period, I have been blessed with the opportunity to be sponsored by Crispaz (Christians for Peace in El Salvador), a non-governmental organization that has been working in El Salvador for years on various peacebuilding and international solidarity building initiatives.<br />
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Thanks to Crispaz´s support, I will be able to continue the work I have begun in El Salvador.<br />
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For any new readers, I graduated from the University of Notre Dame in 2010 with majors in International Peace Studies and Anthropology. I have spent time doing peacebuilding work both in Uganda and El Salvador, where I am currently collaborating with Fundación Quetzalcoatl, Ideas y Acciónes Para la Paz. <br />
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In El Salvador, I volunteer teaching environmental education to youth in a violence prevention and job skills training program. Additionally, I work with a community-based youth group on a variety of peacebuilding initiatives to strengthen community unity and prevent the integration of the community´s youth into the ever-present gangs. Finally, I accompany female youth in the country´s only juvenile detention center for women, teaching poetry and learning from their wealth of wisdom and experience.<br />
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I will do my best to update this blog once a month at the very least, so stay tuned!Jenna Knapphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02893904041220232946noreply@blogger.com0